Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

People with inflated self esteem & grandiose delusions, really trigger me.

It is okay to acknowledge this.…as it affects my wellbeing.

One trigger I know I have, is people’s ‘delusions of grandeur’, or ‘inflated sense of self esteem’, or inflated sense of self importance’ which can be found within several diagnoses of Narcissistic PD, Bipolar and others.

http://psychcentral.com/…/narcissistic-personality-disorde…/

http://www.mayoclinic.org/…/ba…/tests-diagnosis/con-20027544

Both of these diagnoses are very, very different, but both of these links above show how the person will have a self inflated sense of self esteem/delusions of grandeur….and I will be able to easily spot this, as I am very discerning. This has happened again in the last few weeks.

And I am honest in saying I find this very triggering, having been raised by narcs/sociopaths and abused by too many, who all had inflated self esteem and were very abusive and caused me great harm.

Once that ego stuff becomes obvious to me, it triggers issues that immediately put me on alert and I will back away from that person and want to run far from them, as a form of self protection. Especially as I then watch that person continually considering and promoting self and own agenda and I start to feel used, which is also a trigger for me.

Feeling ‘used’, is not something anyone wants to be treated like and when combined with considerable abuse, where you have been ‘used’ in abusive ways, this ‘used’ trigger, is not pleasant.

Narcs/psychopaths etc, I cannot have in life, because I know how manipulative they are, how untrustworthy they are and how they will use you, to get what they want and destroy you in the process.

When it comes to other diagnoses, like Bipolar, I realise this is very different and I don’t want to assume this is a ‘bad heart’ issue like narcs and want to work on not feeling triggered by their inflated self esteem, which I will have detected.

I want to view issues like this, as being part of a person’s mental health and I have read this does mean (on varying levels) they are very ‘all about me’, will push their own agenda and be unconcerned with anything outside of that egocentric bubble. And they can be very unaware of this, or how this is felt and perceived by others. But, there is not maliciousness intent. Unless they also have narc traits, which can happen, as none of us fit in one neat diagnosis box.

It’s all a learning curve – on how to manage triggers and I want to look to the cause of the behaviours of those triggering me, and the heart behind them, whilst also acknowledging and accepting with self compassion as to why I have these triggers, due to so much abuse and harm caused to me and having severe (complex) PTSD.

I always want to grow, whilst having self compassion.

 

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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