Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Just joined an online writers group & I already know I won’t fit in, at all.

I am meant to be improving my writing skills. But, I am not sure writing groups are going to be ‘my thing’.

I joined an online group today,  for ’emerging’ writers. They are all so serious about it. They talk about learning their ‘craft’ and a whole load of other terms that just make ‘writing’ seem pretentious . Me, I just want to learn to write in a way that is okay enough to shove the contents of my head, in a book others can read.

I don’t care about plot lines, antagonists, steam punk (whatever the hell is that) and there are people patronizing and criticising other successful authors, like  Stephanie Meyers – author of the Twilight Saga Series. So if they are criticising her, then I am screwed.

Plus, many of these very serious ‘writers’ in the group seem very needy talking about their doctorates, how many books they have already written, show how they are already highly skilled writers and are highly educated in writing related fields.

Which is great, but I thought this group was for ’emerging writers’? Continue reading

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How have you not ended up in a mental asylum?

I have been asked this question many times.

I have been through a massive amount of trauma, certainly enough to no longer be here, or have been admitted to hospital. I have been told in counselling, I am a walking miracle.

I should give myself credit, that I haven’t been in hospital.

And this is not meant in any way as disrespect to anyone who has been admitted and required inpatients residential treatment. I have great compassion and non judgment for anyone’s journey.

This is simply an acknowledgment of my inner strength, to keep myself to a point of not becoming so mentally ill, that residential treatment becomes necessary.

I do believe for my journey, it has been about inner strength. I have a severe mental health disorder, that could easily decline into psychosis and losing touch with reality to a point where I need residential treatment to manage it. Continue reading

Doing okay with this healthy self care stuff…


Having realised, I have never had any forms of healthy self care…I am attempting to slowly, and in a non pressurised way, actually have some!

I’m doing okay. Did some inner child healing yesterday.

Got my butt in the pool today.

Sure, I put it off for a few hours, spent time writing on social media…always my favourite way of avoiding doing what is needed for my own self care…

But, I did it. Got in the pool, swam, did a little aqua aerobics, did a little yoga by the side of the pool. Lay down on the sun lounger and did some sit ups. Drank lots of water.

And more importantly, I enjoyed it. I didn’t feel this big pressure to do heaps. Or have any other negative thoughts that will always pop into my mind and make me feel badly about myself.

Hey, I may even do it again tomorrow…

No pressure though… 🙂

You don’t have to play by everyone else’s rules….

I love Sia and her music.

Nominated for 6 Aria’s.

Sia has Bipolar, and yet she is incredibly talented, very real, very raw, very honest and she does *not* play by the rules.

Her music career is how ‘she’ wants it to be….not the way her peers and society expects and demands. I love that inner strength she has to live her life ‘her’ way. And she has proven she can be a massive success, by not following all the rules set down by the industry she is in.

Huge lesson there, for all who believe they must play by the rules and follow like sheep.

A big inspiration and someone I admire.

I will be keep this in mind, while in the book publishing industry. If I don’t feel it is necessary to comply with all their ‘rules’, then I won’t.

I will take advice, digest it, consider the heart motivation that lies behind the advice and make my own conclusions. I am NOT wanting to go down the route of becoming obsessed with any book having to be a ‘success’ by other people’s rules and critique. Continue reading

Dying is easy, it’s living that scares me…

Annie Lennox songs have been on my mind lately.

I used to listen to them in my 20’s, and they always resonated, although then I didn’t really know why. I was far too into suppressing everything from the first 2 decades of my life.

Now I realise, living has always scared me. Because people exist. And people harm others and I have known far too much harm in my life.

All I had known in my life, at the point of being in my early 20’s, was coldness. Cold hearts. Frozen souls.

The first 20 years of my life, were hauntingly, core penetratingly….cold.

And death, was always my ‘get out’ – if the coldness, became too much.

Music was always there for me, when no-one else was.