I have been asked this question many times.
I have been through a massive amount of trauma, certainly enough to no longer be here, or have been admitted to hospital. I have been told in counselling, I am a walking miracle.
I should give myself credit, that I haven’t been in hospital.
And this is not meant in any way as disrespect to anyone who has been admitted and required inpatients residential treatment. I have great compassion and non judgment for anyone’s journey.
This is simply an acknowledgment of my inner strength, to keep myself to a point of not becoming so mentally ill, that residential treatment becomes necessary.
I do believe for my journey, it has been about inner strength. I have a severe mental health disorder, that could easily decline into psychosis and losing touch with reality to a point where I need residential treatment to manage it.
But, I know when that reality is coming closer and I have been able to stop that decline in it’s tracks. And whilst I do also credit my faith and God for this, I have needed to have the willingness and inner strength to do what is needed, to keep myself from my mental health declining to a point of requiring management in hospital.
I am not saying this will never happen. Never say never. But, I do truly hope and pray this will never become an eventuality. I don’t want my family affected to that extent and I know this is part of my drive to ensure this does not occur.
I think my great need for my health to not hurt others, does help in my capacity to keep my mental health from declining.
I have also had the inner strength to reach out, before it become too far gone. I have had the resilience so far, to survive all I have, and pretty bloody well, considering.
I have been told in counselling, I have deep reserves of inner strength and I know I don’t acknowledge that enough.
So today, I will.