Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Being the victim of a psychopath, haunts you forever.


Having been the victim of a psychopath, I know how they work. I had to study him, to stay safe, stay alive.

I don’t care how society likes to ‘normalise’ it and ‘say psychopaths can be needed and useful’, it is very poor mental health. We were not created to have a lack of empathy, to be able to switch off emotions to cause harm to another human being and have no conscience, no remorse.

It is why I cannot handle people trying to defend them, or suggesting they have a good part of them. I know that makes what they do, and what they are, more palatable to average people. But these psychopaths are only manipulating people to feel sorry for them. I know that, but many don’t. They are highly manipulative and can fool mental health professionals, parole boards, judges, anyone. Except those who have endured them, who know what they are truly capable of, what really makes them tick.

Psychopaths can completely switch off all/most of their emotions to commit evil and know what they have done and still continue throughout their life, with have absolutely no remorse or empathy. Even when they haven’t switched off their emotions, they are still psychopaths, controlling, abusive. There is no part of them, that is ever healthy.

I’ve seen this capacity to switch off, to cause harm, as it was being done to me.

I could tell by his eyes, what mood he was in, when to know it was life threateningly serious, because he was in the ‘I will be really hurting you now’ mood. He was controlling me 100% of the time, but his mood would change. From average psychopath, to full on sadistic, sexual psychopath, in seconds. I saw it happen in his eyes.

I will never have those eyes, out of my memory. That blackness that comes into them.

It’s like the devil completely

invades their entire being

& Satan is staring at you,

through the psychopath’s eyes. 

Continue reading

People have a great capacity to ‘rationalise’ their own behaviours.

Rationalisation, is a cognitive distortion people use, to justify something with illogical reasoning.

As per DSM  – Rationalization occurs “when the individual deals with emotional conflict or internal or external stressors by concealing the true motivations for his or her own thoughts, actions, or feelings through the elaboration of reassuring or self serving but incorrect explanations.

This became very apparent during the conversation with an ex soldier, who wanted to rationalise himself having psychopath traits, and the capacity to switch off emotions during killing and harming people.

He needs to rationalise this as okay – to get the job done and also then rationalising this further, by saying ‘everyone’ has some of this in these ‘psycho traits’, as he calls it.

All completely wrong. I don’t have any capacity to switch off my emotions to cause harm to another human being. I have involuntary (I can’t choose it) dissociation to cope with harm being caused to me, but I don’t ever have the chosen capacity to remove emotions to cause harm. There is a huge difference. But to this ex-soldier, he ‘wants’ to believe these are the same.

Of course rationalisation, is always followed by cognitive dissonance – where you can show someone evidence that proves their thought process and the belief they are holding onto so tightly, is completely wrong, and they will still refuse to let go of their beliefs.

A lot of this is fear and shame based. Continue reading