Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Society is the problem and the disease… forcing sexual abuse & child sexual abuse survivors, to suffer more.

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Being someone who is willing to be very open, raw and real about the society ‘taboo subject’ most don’t want to acknowledge – sexual abuse – and ‘worse’ child sexual abuse – makes me an unusual person.

I am someone openly shunned, ignored, cast aside by ‘friends’, feeling further abandonment, adding to the devastating trauma, crushing and debilitating weight of shame, rejection and pain so many abuse survivors endure. All of which, we should never be made to feel.

I read this in the latest addition of very popular local Child & Parenting magazine..

“A society that nourishes the silence of survivors through a refusal to accept the truth and show compassion towards them, is a disease as devastating as the abuse itself.” – written by Zara – child & adult sexual abuse survivor.

Being shunned, ignored, blamed, rejected, avoided, silenced….means abuse survivors are repeatedly re-traumatised by society.

We are forced to feel as though ‘we’ are the problem and should remain quiet….but it is the disease of society…that is the problem.

Not us.


Anyone who wants to be mean to me today….this is my inner child’s response…

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My husband was grumpy earlier (tired), and speaking to me in a patronising manner.

This was my inner child’s face inside, in response 🙂

It was a lot easier than getting annoyed back!

And think I can safely say, my inner child is being heard!

🙂


I’m doing my life, the wrong way round…

As a child…..I was never a child. I was a mother to my sisters. I had my mothers responsibilities and had to take care of her needs.

I raised myself, in many ways.

I was the sexual object, of adults. I was covertly sexually abused by my step father and abused by his friends. And sexually abused by my mother, due to her setting me up and enabling this. I was blamed for serious adult abuse, like my sister being abused. The scapegoat for my step fathers failures and everything else.

I learned fear, danger, abuse, sex, hyper vigilance, abandonment, rejection, no-one loved me, no-one could be trusted – and more.

All things that should never exist in a childhood.

I was never allowed to be a child.

My childhood was stolen from me, my innocence and purity ripped from me.

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Now, at the age of 43, I am learning to allow my inner child, so badly damaged by all the above, to be a child.

Learning how to re-parent her, help her to feel safe, feel all her emotions, how to play, soothe her, help her know she doesn’t have to be perfect, she isn’t to blame and all the other messages learned in the ‘garden of evil’, I endured in my formative years.

Learning to just be a child.

And grieve.