Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I am so fucking angry. I fucking hate all the fucking evil in this world.

7 Comments

I am aware having PTSD, means my emotions and previous trauma get re-activated when triggered.

The self hatred stuff I felt earlier, turned into feeling angry about those who abused me and caused all of this deep harm in my life I have endured for 43 years. Fucking up my entire life.

Then triggered even further seeing all the Mark Driscoll stuff, which I knew about all along…..all triggering all the trauma and abuse I endured in a church and from a minister. Fucking up my life even more.

Then I read the famous author John Grisham is defending paedophiles, saying watching child porn is okay. Sick bastard. Triggering thoughts of paedophile abuse I have endured.

I don’t want to think about these sick fucking people any more.

I don’t want all this triggered.

I just want to get on with my life and not think about any of it.

I FUCKING HATE PTSD

I FUCKING HATE ABUSE

I FUCKING HATE THAT SICK PEOPLE HURT OTHERS AND DON’T CARE.

I FUCKING HATE THAT I HAVE ENDURED TOO MUCH OF THIS.

I HATE THIS SICK FUCKING WORLD I HAVE TO ENDURE.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

7 thoughts on “I am so fucking angry. I fucking hate all the fucking evil in this world.

  1. That’s okay, as I’m not using it for shock value.

    I’m using it to vent my anger. Not what anyone else thinks. My blog is where I vent all my needed emotions.

  2. Conclusion I am drawing about the world is that although the abuse endured by anyone is really bad, it is actually not being able to move on that really hurts…..and these bastards know it. They like to keep us in a state of fear, a state of suffering because they dont want us to heal.

    They are evil.

    Survivors need to stick together, on blogs, or offline, to educate and nourish ourselves back to good health. I believe, it can be done, with enough big hearts we can support ourselves and leave the perpetrators to their own fate. Im finding by not playing the game, by creating a visual image in my head of them playing chess like some chess master guru, then me, just getting up and walking away leaving them to play by themselves makes me laugh. Its not letting them get to us that is key to healing, doesnt minimize the pain or even promise to heal it as we all have bad days, but it does give us control and a sense of wellbeing back.

    Laugh at them, their end will come. more people are becoming aware and breaking the silence and then striving to heal themselves and others.

    they might play clever mind games, and win, but they cant play our game of love and healing – you need a heart to play and they havent got one 🙂

    we have massive hearts, they might bruise, but they are impossible to break ❤

    take care ❤

    • naturalwonderphotos … great comment.

    • My abusers found my blog and–despite my repeated requests for them to leave me alone and let me heal–they came on more often. It was very triggering for some time. But eventually I got used to their presence, and it no longer bothers me. In fact, I’d see them try to bug me occasionally by upping their hits and using different means to come in, and just laugh. Now they’ve stopped coming so often. I guess the game has lost its fun?

      • Possibly, and/or that or you became too powerful for them. They are like slugs, they melt away when sprinkled with the salty truth.