Due to due my life, my mind is continually in a switched on state of vigilance and coupled with discernment, means I take everything in and work people out.
It makes my life hard. I see issues in people and where they have little self insight and are deluded.
I see when people are saying one thing….but actually doing another.
I see when people are deluding themselves into doing something for others…but really it is for themselves.
I see when people are justifying things to themselves, excusing their behaviour, have ego driven needs and many other issues.
I see so much dishonesty, whether intentional or non intentional, and it always makes me feel deeply uncomfortable.
And not because I think that makes
everyone bad, I don’t at all,
but because if they are lying
then they are lying to me.
And I can’t cope with that. I’ve had so many people hurt me due to lies. It scares me. It frightens me. It makes me even more vigilant around that person, and everything they say is analysed and considered.
It’s exhausting. And I hate it. I don’t want to do this. But, it is who I have been my entire life and I cannot switch it off.
It is my highly developed safety and protection system, I cannot shut off.
I think the only way I will feel safe in this world, safe from dishonesty – is to literally have no contact with anyone, except a few people I have any remote level of trust in.
No more social media and shut out the world.