Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Why I would prefer no-one ever referred to my looks.

I touched on this issue yesterday on my community page.

I’ve had a lot people make comments – some good, a lot bad – about the way I look.

My step father put me down a lot about how I look from a young age, my family always took the piss about the way I look, yet I had to walk on egg shells around them. 

Throughout all the different types of abuse, I have been told I am ‘pretty/beautiful’ and then called the opposite and told I am not pretty enough.

Due to being thin most of my life, I was often referred to as ‘skinny’, ‘bag of bones’, ‘boylike’ etc – often by overweight people who bizarrely thought it was acceptable to put me down for being thin, but would be disgusted and upset if anyone referred to them as ‘fat’. Which I would never call people, but it was somehow ‘acceptable’ to call me names.

I am learning to accept how I look and be comfortable in my own self. I am no longer thin, just average weight.

I actually hate people referring to the way I look. I would rather they didn’t mention anything. Good, or bad. I don’t mind people complimenting my clothes etc, but to speak about my looks, I really dislike.

Basically, I just don’t believe people if they say anything nice. I assume they are either being ‘nice’ to me but don’t really mean it, or they want something from me, especially if they are men. I do realise this is wrong to assume people don’t mean what they say about the way I look, but it is too triggering for me.

I have tried not to view it this way. But, even if the last few years, having had someone I trusted, tell me lots of nice things about the way I look – say I am beautiful etc and to find out he was actually grooming me, was devastating.

The way I look, is a very sensitive and sore subject.

It’s an ‘off-limits’ subject and I would rather people never referred to it.

If anyone says anything about the way I look, I just thank them – as is socially acceptable to do – and dismiss it.

I accept the way I look.

I accept it is what God gave me, but I prefer to not think about it.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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