Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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I am thankful if S. Baptist Church, are ‘very’ wary of the new pastors appointment.

I have been informed, the current temporary pastor of S. Baptist Church is leaving prior to Pastor A. Allinson commencing ministry at the end of the year.

I have heard this is only due to much concern being raised about the suitability of Allinson being appointed as senior minister. Good. Thank you Jesus.

I am glad the current pastor there is leaving, even though he could have stayed and he apparently seems to be being guided by God to get out of there, before the narcissist duo arrive to cause more manipulation, abuse, lies and harm.

I am glad obvious concern is occurring, as this will hopefully alert people to be wary and vigilant.

Wolves in sheep’s clothing – admitted liars, with huge marriage issues, grooming vulnerable people – should not be in ministry – especially when this is only due to a corrupt internal investigation. Corruption and lies confirmed as such, by mature Christians who saw them in action. And also only due to lies told by these Baptists about such highly professional and well regarded Christian doctors/counsellors, who saw, identified and knew the narcissism, manipulation and abuse and confirmed it was abuse caused to me. Continue reading


All the people who have hurt me, hate themselves deep down.

I am starting to comprehend, just how messed up abusive people are and understand what is really inside of them.

I am messed up and I hurt myself. I abuse myself.

Abusive people are messed up, and hurt others.

They are externalising all this deep pain, shame and hurt they have inside. They hate themselves, no matter how much they deny that, or cannot accept that.

I hate myself inside and I hurt myself, always have.

Abusive people deal with their inner pain, shame and torment, by hurting others.

It is all so terribly sad.


Inner Child healing list…..I cannot face thinking about too much.

I posted this list onto my inner child healing page and it is a very emotive list and needs to be taken very slowly, to avoid being overwhelmed.

What messages did the “inner child” need to hear, but which went unsaid?

When the “inner child” climbed inside you it probably was hoping to hear:

* I love you, I care about you and I accept you just the way you are.
* I am so proud of you and all that you are.
* I am so happy you are my child.
* You are so beautiful and attractive.
* You are so bright and talented.
* You are so artistic and creative.
* You are such a good worker.
* I am sorry I hurt you.
* I am sorry I neglected you.
* I am sorry I forgot you.
* I am sorry I ignored you.
* I am sorry I took you for granted.
* I am sorry I made you grow up so fast.
* I am sorry I had to rely on you so much.
* You can trust me to take care of you.
* You can trust me to be there for you.
* You can trust me to protect you from any hurt or pain.
* I will get help for myself and for the family.
* We will work at getting healthy together.
* We will have healthy fun and play together.

Continue reading


I shouldn’t be reading Van de kolk’s stuff……but I need to know it’s normal for me.

This stuff is there, and I can feel it and so when I start to feel it and feel the fear and shame, it helps me to read what the experts know, as a form of self soothing, that this is normal for me, after all I endured in my childhood.

Click to access Compulsion_to_Repeat.pdf




If recent animal research is any guide, people,

particularly children, who have been exposed to

severe, prolonged environmental stress will

experience extraordinary increases in both

catecholamine and endogenous opioid responses to

subsequent stress. The endogenous opioid response

may produce both dependence and withdrawal

phenomena resembling those of exogenous opiods.

This could explain, in part, why childhood trauma is

associated with subsequent self-destructive behavior.

Depending on which stimuli have come to condition

an opioid response, self-destructive behavior may

include chronic involvement with abusive partners,

sexual masochism, self-starvation, and violence

against self or others.

Continue reading

Pretty when I cry.

What is it with men, who like to see women cry?

Get off on it. Only want to show any pretence of gentle love, when seeing a girl/woman crying, but not any other time.

What is it with me, picking men, who are like this?

I know why.

It is ‘talent’ (self harm) of mine….to be drawn to men who are going to hurt me.