Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Poem – Me and PTSD – 12 months ago.

Interesting looking back at how I felt about having such severe PTSD/CPTSD over a year ago.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

(This reflect how I felt 12 months ago, I was so scared)

Me & PTSD

Memories
Horror
Trapped
Within my mind
Not invited
Or wanted
No permission
Granted
For their
Appearance

Memories
Appearing
Triggers
Occur
So many
Triggers
Can’t all
Be avoided

Painful
Devastating
The fear
Of being trapped
In a mind
Uncontrollable
In fear
Of the past

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I regret not embracing attachment parenting, with my children.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2807684/Big-Bang-Theory-star-Mayim-Bialik-backs-baby-wearing-theory.html

She’s known to TV fans as neuroscientist Amy in cult US comedy series The Big Bang Theory – but actress Mayim Bialik has a big controversial theory that she espouses in her private life.

The 38-year-old mother of two is a fan of Attachment Parenting, a philosophy that encourages ‘co-sleeping’ and ‘baby wearing’. 

Co-sleepers like to share the same bed as their children, while baby wearers carry their offspring in a sling close to their body for most of the day. 

Mayim, who has sons aged nine and six, reveals in a new book that she breast-fed them until they were four and two respectively.

She says parenting should be instinctive. ‘Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution have prepared all of us, should we so choose, to be a good parent. The knowledge we need is programmed into our DNA.’

Mayim, who qualified as a neuroscientist in 2008, sets out her guide to parenting in new book Beyond The Sling: A Real Life Guide To Raising Confident, Loving Children The Attachment Parenting Way.


I was always aware these parenting views of letting your baby scream itself to sleep – to force it to ‘settle him/herself’ was cruel and I never went along with this. It lacks empathy and I can tell there are bond issues with mothers who do this.

Interestingly, the abusive church I attended, many choose ‘no empathy’ parenting. Let babies scream themselves to sleep and cry for hours. I got told I was wrong for wanting to soothe my crying baby. They all have issues within their own childhoods, with lack of bonds with their own mothers and poor parenting habits, going on down through the generations. None of them carried their babies in slings etc. Many other abusive behaviours, smacking babies, belting teenagers. All classic no empathy issues. Abuse.

I spent a lot of time cuddling and soothing my boys when they were babies. I didn’t let them scream for long, and had empathy and love for my baby boys.

But, I didn’t fully embrace attachment parenting and they didn’t sleep next to be at night and I regret that now. I also used a pram and not a baby sling when I went out, and I wish I had used a sling, so I could have been closer to my babies, as I fully see the attachment benefits of this.


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Inner child’s faces :)

When I realise I am wrong about something!

baby

When someone doesn’t like me and I don’t know why.

child3

When someone is mean to me.

child3

When I’m being stubborn..

childpout

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Praise God, I am not ‘only’ the intensely serious, deeply introspective, life wisdom knowing me…

silly

I have different parts of my character, soul, personality. I don’t have a fixed personality that remains constant…mine fluctuates continually. I have a very serious, very intense, very introspective, very knowing, wise part of me. And I also have a silly, childlike, mischievous side to me…..and parts in between.

But, praise God, I am not ‘only’ the serious side of me!

I think we all need to tap into that inner child within us all and allow her/him to be felt. At appropriate times, in appropriate contexts and environments.

It is wisdom, to know when to be serious, when to be wise, when to be sad, when to have fun, when to be silly etc….but be very aware of this inner ego state.

My humour, childlike inner self, has always kept me sane. My life has contained far too much abuse, far too much harm and suffering, so the childlike side of me, has helped balance this a little.

Now, I realise, it is okay to have my inner self, balance this serious stuff out, far more.

I’ve read people such as C.G.Jung and Einstein allowed their inner child to be felt, as adults.

It was interesting how C.G.Jung believed even as a child he has two personalities, which he later went on to identify in his work. He had a tough childhood, being raised in a very religious home where he later identified much wrong/unhealthy within his father and mother’s personalities and behaviours.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/belief/2011/may/30/carl-jung-ego-self