Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I am finding it easier to put a limit on how much I think about past stuff.

I have learned trying to not think about the past stuff….is not possible.

PTSD does not allow you to ‘leave it in the past’. My mind wants to process it all continually. It never stops wanting to think about it all. It has quite rightly, felt like torture.

But, I am getting much better at allowing myself a time period for these past trauma emotions to be felt and then tell myself after say e.g an hour, to stop, and start thinking about something else.

The stuff that is meant to be ‘parked’ – is not staying parked – and I have stopped assuming I can avoid it completely. So, I am allowing myself – for a little while each day – to think about it, feel the emotions, play music about it, write about it, cry about it…. Continue reading


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I got’sa taste for men who are older, it’s always been so it’s no surprise…

Lyrics, I relate to – due to being sexually abused by older men….as a child….as a teenager….and as an adolescent.

It fucks you up.


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Coming to terms with my ‘self harm’ issues – this is way too close to home. Ultraviolence.

This song makes me cry.

“He hit me and it felt like a kiss”

“He hurt me but it felt like true love”

“Cause I’m your jazz singer
And you’re my cult leader
I love you forever,
I love you forever”

“Heaven is on earth
I will do anything for you, babe
Blessed is this, this union
Crying tears of gold, like lemonade”


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I love Pete Walker’s ‘Human Bill of Rights’ :)

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GUIDELINES FOR FAIRNESS AND INTIMACY

1.I have the right to be treated with respect.
2.I have the right to say no.
3.I have the right to make mistakes.
4. I have the right to reject unsolicited advice or feedback.
5.I have the right to negotiate for change.
6.I have the right to change my mind or my plans.
7. I have a right to change my circumstances or course of action.
8.I have the right to have my own feelings, beliefs, opinions, preferences, etc.
9.I have the right to protest sarcasm, destructive criticism, or unfair treatment.
10.I have a right to feel angry and to express it non-abusively.
11.I have a right to refuse to take responsibility for anyone else’s problems.
12.I have a right to refuse to take responsibility for anyone’s bad behavior.
13.I have a right to feel ambivalent and to occasionally be inconsistent.
14.I have a right to play, waste time and not always be productive.

Continue reading