Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I am finding it easier to put a limit on how much I think about past stuff.

9 Comments

I have learned trying to not think about the past stuff….is not possible.

PTSD does not allow you to ‘leave it in the past’. My mind wants to process it all continually. It never stops wanting to think about it all. It has quite rightly, felt like torture.

But, I am getting much better at allowing myself a time period for these past trauma emotions to be felt and then tell myself after say e.g an hour, to stop, and start thinking about something else.

The stuff that is meant to be ‘parked’ – is not staying parked – and I have stopped assuming I can avoid it completely. So, I am allowing myself – for a little while each day – to think about it, feel the emotions, play music about it, write about it, cry about it….

And then after a period of time allowing that….30 minutes, an hour, whatever feels needed….and then force myself to think about and do something else.

For me, this is easier to manage than trying to not think about it at all.

Something I am also doing, is increasing my self compassion…knowing through research it is normal for someone who has endured as much trauma/abuse as I have to feel the way I do….and whilst I know I have deep shame issues….I am re-assuring myself – the shame is not mine to feel or own. It is the shame of those that caused the trauma/abuse…..even though they will never own it.

I think allowing myself the inner child healing stuff, is helping.

It’s all progress, and I know that.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

9 thoughts on “I am finding it easier to put a limit on how much I think about past stuff.

  1. I get this – its true – you can find calm for a time and then something will trigger the thoughts again and off you go – the internal bla bla bla bla bla starts off… it is upsetting in the sense that you know more and more as time passes just how much patience is needed to see it quieten down again…

    Last night with some friends they questioned something I said in relation the the narcissist – the general thrust was for me to refrain making utterances of this sort…

    I asked for who this would be a benefit and then found I lost it – my temper erupted and for the first time ever I ranted to others about how this has all felt – it came from me like a torrent – the feeling was visceral – my language was blue…

    My message to then was that the narcissist only has traction when the group – them – those I was talking to were quiet and said nothing, they were abusers by proxy… I was alone… something I have wanted to say for a while and something that has been part of the bla bla bla bla – me wondering how to say it….

    Later when I would get to bed my cat came and curled up behind my knees – he was instantly warm – I found I felt good for having been able to let some of this bile out – to feel that it was heard at least… and I fell into a deep sleep.

    Today I find the bla bla bla bla PTSD revolving cascade of thought is more akin to being in a busy room and to be aware there are lots of voices – rather than feeling that I am talking to myself – over and over and over around my consternation at this having happened to me even at all….

    • Yes, allowing the needed emotions to be felt and expressed is healthy and done in a safe and appropriate way, helps us to heal.

      It is so good your cat provided some warmth and love for you later…animals can often be very healing and soothing for many in this journey.

      • This is the first time I have really let it all flow – even in therapy I was very controlled and positive, looking to define a way forward rather than reflect on what happened and its affect on my sense of freedom.

        The venue for my rage was a night out with people connected to it all but separate enough that they had become an oasis, a safe place – I think my rage in part was triggered by them bringing this issue into that safe place – and them then feigning ignorance of it, it being the abuse of my freedoms by others in our shared group.

        This ignorant silence is a strong facilitator of abuse – whether its a social group as in my case or if its a family or a workplace for others – the silent turning away of the others makes it easy and in fact affirms the actions of the abuser. It is an extension of the abuse by proxy.

        It was this I said – saying it out loud felt good – telling it to those who I would have wished to have given me some support felt good.

        I am however left feeling more alone now than I was before… its almost like the abuse has infected my safe space now – I feel it now in that space – that is a simply a disaster. Makes me more angry – I feel it in my now while I write… its a fury………..

        Ill be ok – this is good – it feels alive… real…. I want it all out………

  2. Seems like a good coping method. the word “parking” annoys me a little. I’ve had it mentioned to me before and I didnt like it. Like someone else was telling me to simply let things go, and like it was so easy to just forget about things. When its part of your entire being its a difficult thing to let go of, just like that.

    I remember the analogy – trying to push a ball underwater and forget about things will just mean in thrusts back with more power.

    allowing a controlled release seems more realistic. trying to regulate huge storm waves down to a bit more regular rise and fall.

    • The term ‘parked’ was explained to me as not about suppressing it, not pretending it doesn’t exist….just leaving it there, knowing it is there, but trying not to focus on it too much….because I need time to do some inner child healing and not be down the deep well of darkness and despair and pain.

      I need a break from 24/7 deeper processing stuff.

      It is a positive analogy for me, but I also accept my mind will continue to keep thinking about that particular stuff.

      So allowing myself some time to think, have emotions, listen to music, write, cry etc….seems a better way to deal with it atm.

  3. This is a good idea. For the last 7 weeks my life has been consumed with this evil vile stuff. Constantly questioning myself and battering myself. There’s one memory that is slowly starting to lose its power and scariness I’ve noticed. Maybe because ive been living it for weeks. I like the idea of thinking of other stuff. Thanks lilly.

    • It is very easy and understandable for it all to consume us and this has happened to me and I know I was not capable of anything else. PTSD and Complex PTSD profoundly affect us.

      It is a journey, to get to the point of being able to manage the memories, the symptoms, the emotions a little better and those little steps forward, are okay.

      It takes time and we cant pressure ourselves – that’s when I often fall apart.

      So, I think of one day at a time, what I can manage each day ❤

      • Thanks. A dear friend came around just before to celebrate our birthdays and I had a cry and she hugged me and said it was OK to feel this way and feel these memories and everything. And that I need to go through this pain to heal. Good it was emotional. She’s 20yrs my snr and been Through this so it was so good for me to hear.