Not sure where these intense emotions have come from..

I’ve been sat for the last few hours trying to figure out where these intense sadness/grieving/fear emotions and mild numbing/zoning out have come from.

I don’t know if it seeing my son upset, something I’ve read, or a combination of things, but my mood has plummeted in the last few hours.

I’m really glad the boys are in bed and my husband has gone to work as he’s on nightshifts, so I can just be alone. I’m aware that it is something from the past, because I have nothing happening right now, for it to be anything else.

I also feel exhausted, in a slightly differently way to my normal exhaustion I feel when things are going downhill. Like I am physically unwell, or becoming unwell.

In a book I have been reading about resilience, there is a section on insecure/fearful/avoidant attachment and I realise that due to the very poor parenting and personality disorder issues of my mother, her telling me she left me as a toddler with other people while she went to another state somewhere to work for months…I have attachment issues and this no doubt feeds in to my huge desire to stay well away from people now.

My son is being bullied in school….at times like this, I desperately wish I had a wise mother for advice.

My son was hit several times by a bully in school this week, for defending a child being bullied. He did everything right and handled himself well.

Now it has been decided the boy will be suspended for 4 days next week. Due to this, the boy and his friends, have bullied my son relentlessly today, and threatened to ‘bash him up again’. My son and his friend who witnessed this again, reported it.

My son is really down, very quiet and there has been a few tears. He wanted a hug when I offered (at 12 he is ‘too old’ for hugs normally) and I know that means he is upset. He’s concerned this will continue on now.

Interestingly, all the bullies in the school have come from the junior school I pulled by son out of in grade 5 due to bullying and he was immediately happier and did so well at the second junior school, with no issues. The former one has a terrible reputation now of bullying, with quite a few people I know, pulling their children from there.

So these bullies in that junior school are now all bullying kids in the first year in high school.

I want to go there on Monday and calmly state I want this nipped in the bud, as I do not want my son subjected to ongoing threats and bullying – and remind the school they have a very strict behaviour management/bullying policy and I expect that to be adhered to.

But, my son doesn’t want me to go and see them, he thinks it would make it worse. He’s also angry at these boys, and I know to let him have his rightful emotions about this, I don’t believe in suppressing needed emotions. Just vent appropriately.  He has a right to be angry at being bullied, at being threatened, after already being punched 3 times.

What do I do, what do I do???…..Let him try to work this out, or go to the school anyway? My anxiety levels are really up right now. This will bother me now until I know either the bullying has stopped, or I have to go and see them. I maintain my composure in front on my children, but seeing them hurt, in tears, upset – pulls my heart apart inside me.

Dance like no-one is watching…!!

😀

Be the change you want to see…I try.

I received this today and it is very kind of the lovely lady who made time to send me this ❤

It also reminds me to be careful about what I write/post, as thousands are reading daily.

It freaks me out a little when I think about this too much…..but I know to just keep sharing, keep learning, keep seeking wisdom and keep doing what I do and hope and pray it always helps someone. show how this journey really feels, the good, the bad and the downright horrifically ugly, we endure.

I consider this my calling, my ministry, my heart.

This has happened to me, several times… :)

In my own defence, I do have anxiety, hyper vigilance and PTSD.

And I don’t like spiders.

🙂

No, God does not want us to tolerate emotional abuse and suffering.

Glad to see people take on this spiritual abuse perpetuated that God wants us to suffer, stay in abusive relationships.

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Happily Abused: How to Use a Woman’s Faith and Trust to Make Her a Willing Accomplice to Her Own Abuse

After stumbling across yet another piece of alarmingly dangerous advice for abused women of faith titled, Surviving Emotional Abuse Six Steps, by Christian author, Darcy Ingraham, I am wishing I had more middle fingers with which to express my extreme irritation. Ack!

I will to try to calm down long enough to use my words rather than profane gestures to talk about spiritual abuse.

To begin with the author assumes that only those husbands who abandon their faith become angry, bitter, and abusive — and she offers no help for women whose abusive husbands are fully committed Christians acting in accordance with patriarchal teachings derived from the bible; she quotes random bible verses out of context to convince abused women that they are safe from actual violent abuse so long as they remain close to God; she appears to believe a woman’s display of piety (praying out loud for her abuser and telling him that she is giving him over to the Lord, for example) is the way to truly intimidate her abusive husband and get him to back off; she advises victims not to “make the abuse worse” by reacting to their abusers’ anger (followed by the whiplash-inducing about-face when she admonishes victims to never allow anyone to convince you that the abuse is your fault); and to top it all off, the author encourages abuse victims to take charge of their lives by finding a hobby.