Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Not sure where these intense emotions have come from..


I’ve been sat for the last few hours trying to figure out where these intense sadness/grieving/fear emotions and mild numbing/zoning out have come from.

I don’t know if it seeing my son upset, something I’ve read, or a combination of things, but my mood has plummeted in the last few hours.

I’m really glad the boys are in bed and my husband has gone to work as he’s on nightshifts, so I can just be alone. I’m aware that it is something from the past, because I have nothing happening right now, for it to be anything else.

I also feel exhausted, in a slightly differently way to my normal exhaustion I feel when things are going downhill. Like I am physically unwell, or becoming unwell.

In a book I have been reading about resilience, there is a section on insecure/fearful/avoidant attachment and I realise that due to the very poor parenting and personality disorder issues of my mother, her telling me she left me as a toddler with other people while she went to another state somewhere to work for months…I have attachment issues and this no doubt feeds in to my huge desire to stay well away from people now.

If I avoid everyone, I can’t get hurt anymore. I can’t let myself get hurt anymore.

Maybe this mood is due to something from the first 4 years of my life I cannot consciously remember, but is still there in my subconscious. Just thinking about this as I type it is causing me further anxiety, so I would say, I am probably close to the truth of why I am feeling like I do right now.

Fear, anxiety, sad, scared, don’t know what to do, powerless.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “Not sure where these intense emotions have come from..

  1. I think the more we dig and understand ourselves, the emotions can start to bubble up leaving us wondering where they came from. I hope they pass soon for you, you sound like you have a full understanding. take care.

  2. Exactly what’s happened to me just today,then to find this written on here is such a relief,but I’m exhausted from digging,must carry on though

  3. I feel a bit better today and I’m taking my boys out soon to a local dam, for a walk, feed the ducks, take some photos, enjoy nature 🙂

    I’m not digging for stuff, I just know when emotions appear, there must be a reason, so I try to work it out.

    I’m pretty good at working out why I have certain emotions occurring and better now at managing them as they appear. I know not to suppress them.

    I know the first few years of our lives are critical to our developing self and I am aware the first few years of my life would not have been good. My mother gravitated towards other abusive people and I often wonder what these people were like that she left me with.

    I’m aware I will never know, but I assume the first 4 years of my life would have been no better than the following 16 – which were full of abuse.