Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

A post about the cost of holding onto wanting any remorse, them to admit, or an apology from abusers.


It takes time to come to this point. And that’s okay. I just want everyone to come to this point and not stay wanting this their entire lives and I know this happens, and that breaks my heart ❤

“If you hold onto wanting an apology, remorse, or the abuser admitting their abuse – you could be waiting your entire life and it will most likely never occur.

To hold on to wanting them to admit it, feel remorse, feel guilt and apologise, in most cases becomes an act of self harm…because most abusers never ‘own’ what they have done. Many of them lack any capacity or willingness to have empathy, remorse, or a conscience.

None of my abusers, will ever own what they did, or have remorse. They only care about themselves.

To hold onto wanting anything from abusers, keeps us tied and chained to them – emotionally, psychologically and mentally. It keeps survivors angry and bitter all their lives….and this breaks my heart 😥

When I realised this, I cut those chains that kept me bound to them and moved further along my healing journey.”


~ Lilly Hope Lucario ❤

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “A post about the cost of holding onto wanting any remorse, them to admit, or an apology from abusers.

  1. Great reminder, thankyou.

  2. This is a really great post. I personally struggle with this but it’s not really because I want an apology or empathy from my abuser. In fact, if he tried to apologize I would probably tell him to go to hell. He doesn’t deserve the opportunity to apologize as far as I’m concerned and he certainly doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.

    What bothers me most is the fact that my family does not understand why I don’t want anything to do with him. They don’t realize that he abused me and I can’t bring myself to tell them. He constantly throws me under the bus and my parents get mad when I won’t have anything to do with him or when I show hostility towards him. I guess what bothers me the most is when other people get mad at me for not wanting anything to do with him. Its really hard to move past this when everyone makes me out to be a terrible person. They think I am just holding a grudge because of the family fights that have gone on because of him, but its so much worse than that. It has actually come to a point where I start to feel resentment towards my family every time they act like I am a terrible person for ignoring him. But they’ve never even bothered to ask WHY I don’t want anything to do with him. I feel like this is classic victim blaming but at the same time they don’t even know that they are doing it because they don’t know about the abuse. They don’t even know that I see a psychologist. I feel so alone 😦

    I wish my family understood but at the same time I can’t tell them and risk destroying my family. I feel trapped.

    Thanks for sharing this, it really helped me.