Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Poem – True Love Hurts

*** Trigger Warning.

True Love Hurts ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Love is pain

Messages seared

Into her core

If it doesn’t hurt

It’s not love

This pain

I need

I deserve

Their voices

Replay

Painful love

So young

‘It’s how I love you’

Any love craved

Than none

Continue reading


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Sliding into increasing aloneness, and numbing out.

My husband said to me earlier, he has noticed my numbing out increasing.

I had been doing much better.

But, I know my mood has lowered over the last week or so. I have tried really hard to keep the momentum of inner child healing, finding humour, seeking joy with my family, seeking interactions with people I feel safe enough to engage with.

But, it isn’t holding.

Overall, I am slipping back. To my aloneness. To my darker thoughts and memories.

The intrusive thoughts of all so many memories – increasing. Running parallel with the deeper understanding of the stuff that is meant to be ‘parked’. But not staying parked.

The reality of the heinous damage caused and how it has affected my entire life, overwhelming.

And so terribly painful. Cruel. Unrelenting.

Things I can write about, but will never be able to vocalise. Continue reading


This is what society is encouraging – increasing egocentricity, narcissism, greed.

I could add a few more to the right hand list….empathy, compassion, honesty, altruism.

Society is now ‘what’s in it for me?’.

‘How will it affect me?’

‘I have a right to my opinion and I will vent it, even if I know it is hurting people.’

‘I can have success at any cost, even if it hurts others along the way’.

‘I can be apathetic about people getting hurt, if it means I stay out of the hassle of having to have courage to be involved.’

‘Not my problem, is it.’

‘Reputation/image, is paramount’.


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Dogs have more rights to not be hit/abused, than children.

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Wisdom on why people believe it is okay to abuse/hit their children…

“I never see any comments that say ‘my mom never lifted a finger against me and I wish she had’.

It’s always “my parents hit/beat me and I’m alright, so the next generation should feel that too” which translates to me as..

my painful childhood memories need to be validated through repetition – so that I don’t have to face the reality that I was abused


Child abuse ie the bizarre cognitively distorted thinking ‘I have a right to hit a child, but not an adult’ – is generational abuse, caused by fear and denial, that is validated and encouraged by the majority.

It is also proven by neuroscience those who have strong conservative views, who are often those who believe in physical discipline to children, within and outside of Christianity……..either have a lack of empathy/EQ, and/or lack of IQ, plus have sociopathic traits. They hit their children for their own needs of venting anger, enjoy hitting their children….even if they don’t admit it.


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Poem ….Your Knife, Is Love ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

*** Trigger Warning.

This poem is about the wounds inflicted by so much child abuse, including child sexual abuse and how that can create self harming issues, where a survivor equates pain, with sexual intimacy and continues the harm to self, inflicted by past abuse.


Your Knife, Is Love ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

bed

. 

Childhood

Garden of evil

Knives of pain

Much harm

Internalised Continue reading


Increasingly interested in Beat Poetry.

http://www.rooknet.net/beatpage/writers/ferlinghetti.html

Seascape With Sun and Eagle   ( Top of Page )

Freer
than most birds
an eagle flies up
over San Francisco
freer than most places
soars high up
floats and glides high up
in the still
open spaces

flown from the mountains
floated down
far over ocean
where the sunset has begun
a mirror of itself

He sails high over
turning and turning
where seaplanes might turn
where warplanes might burn
Continue reading