Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Conflicting thoughts over the way other people view me. How I view myself

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Many people who view my facebook page, read my blog here, see my website…..tell me I am amazing, wonderful, awesome etc. I don’t believe I am those things and I know I have positive and negative aspects within myself, and I need to keep working on myself, growing, seeking wisdom etc.

But, someone today said my refusal to accept these genuinely meant compliments people give me, like her telling me she thinks I am special, are about my lack of self esteem and due to being abused. I do know I have issues with accepting compliments, but I also truly do not believe I am awesome etc.

Plus, I see people’s big ego’s and see how unhealthy they are, so do not want to go down that track. I want to have humility and be honest with myself and about myself.

I do accept I am a strong, courageous person, to have survived all I have. I accept I process things deeply and see the bigger picture in ways I see many don’t. I am an honest person and I know I have a great capacity for honesty. My refusal to go along with society’s shallow BS – image/success/money needy issues etc ruins people, is wisdom. This is all why I have changed and grown so greatly in the last 2 years. I accept I have insight, life wisdom, the capacity for empathy, to read people etc.

But, I have my issues too. Many.

I asked my husband to tell me 100% honestly what he thinks about this. And he does know my view of all this. And he knows I would be totally okay for him to say either way.

He stated I am all those things people tell me I am. He sees I am not the same as most, and I am amazing, I am incredible, I am special – but he agrees not to develop an ‘I think I am awesome’ ego, because that isn’t healthy. But he also thinks I downplay who I really am, how much more wisdom I have than most etc. And I don’t realise just how special I am. How intelligent I am. How different I am to most, but in a good way. I’m confused. I will bring this up in counselling, because this whole healthy self esteem stuff, is something I am aware I need to keep working on.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

One thought on “Conflicting thoughts over the way other people view me. How I view myself

  1. I think its important to know yourself fully, labels are others opinions we can choose to accept , or not.

    keep learning, keep growing, keep healing 🙂