Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Posts to my pages – why they need others to show anger and disgust at the abusers.

by 6 Comments

Post to my inner child healing page, which someone has already messaged me about, so thankful to hear this.

In my childhood, no-one modelled anger and disgust about what abusers did to me.

I have come to realise, my inner child needs this now.

People who model compassion for abusers, minimize what they did, make excuses for them etc…create great fear in my inner child.

I have realised, people who choose to model compassion for abusers, rather than model her needs of seeing disgust and anger at the… harm they caused her…..won’t be trusted by her.

She closes down around people, who insist on showing positive emotions for abusive people, because that is what was done in childhood, when she was being abused.

This is a big issue in my counselling, because it is Christian based, and the Christian agenda of showing love for all, scares my inner child and I have realised this is why my inner child does not trust my counsellor.

Just some thoughts I have been having about my inner child over the last few days.

Lilly ❤
A post to my complex PTSD page, worded slightly differently..

In my childhood no-one showed any form of anger or disgust about what abusive people were doing to me.

I have realised, when people model compassion and positive emotions about abusive people, that very severely hurt part of me (I call my inner child) – gets very scared and will shut down and not trust them.

I have realised this is a much needed missing part within my counselling, and I need to see this modelled. This isn’t modelled and the opposite occurs, and is continuing to cause big trust issues within my counselling relationship.

It is a ‘normal human need’ – for someone abused so badly – to have people validate the pain, by showing anger and disgust at what was done and about the people who caused it.

Just some of my thoughts today, Lilly ❤

This does not in any way mean, I am wanting people to have views of wanting to hurt these people, or seek revenge etc….just model some normal human reactions to disgusting, heinous evil abuse caused to a child.
The emotions, not shown that a child desperately needs shown, by parents and family, but did not receive.

 

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

6 thoughts on “Posts to my pages – why they need others to show anger and disgust at the abusers.”

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  1. Pen of the Sheep
    November 16, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    I absolutely agree!! At this point it’s not about them. It’s just like you said, validation for YOUR abuse. It’s not about them and it’s not their crime. I understand it’s the Christian way to want to love, forgive and show love. And I agree with that (to a point), but as humans we need validation and closure before we can move forward. I don’t know how someone can hear about trauma like yours and not feel anger, honestly I don’t! Your life has made me feel so much anger and disgust in these evil people. One can’t make excuses or justify evil or satan! It’s inexcusable! Just know you are loved and blessed my sister! Those evil doers ultimately have to answer to God, and though He is a God of love, He also is the One to serve the ultimate justice! God bless you my beautiful sister!

    • Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD
      November 16, 2014 at 6:21 pm

      Thank you ❤ ❤

      I have come to realise most people are bizarre, often Christians more so, with religion their excuse.

      Their focus on 'showing love and compassion and grace and mercy' for abusive people….to show what amazing Christians they are….over-rides their empathy for the hurt, suffering, lost and those that Jesus actually sought and raised up – not the abusers. They actually cause trauma to the victims and they cannot even see that…because they are so wrapped in their own egocentric Christian needs.

      I have come to realise everyone does what they need to do, to make life easier for themselves, for their own needs. No matter the cost to others.

      I feel really alone right now, that hurt inner child part of me, is finding her voice, but is voicing exactly why she is continually hurt by adults, who harm her over and over.

      Thank you for reminding me God loves me and it reminds me He won't hurt me and knows what I have endured, I really needed that reminder, so thank you my beautiful sister in Christ ❤

  2. Tina Bate
    November 16, 2014 at 10:53 pm

    I feel angry that anyone should be asking you to show forgiveness or compassion for people who abused you. I haven’t read your story yet as I feel it would be too triggering for me at this time, but I can relate. All my life I’ve had the forgive and forget, the mind over matter and all those other self-serving and empathy avoiding/lacking tools thrown at me, and being a ‘good girl’ I tried to comply. So many years lost which could have been spent healing, instead those attitudes caused me more trauma, more psychic self-harm as I felt like a failure for not being able to ‘get over it’. Now that I’ve been reading about the problems caused by the trauma which affect my health and quality of life still in my 50s, I am learning self-advocacy and will stand by my inner child even if I cannot stand up to others well yet. I am fortunate to have a GP who advocates for me and will allow me to refuse treatment with people I feel I cannot have a relationship with. The relief to have a health care provider who ‘gets it’ is tremendous. I will not work with anyone who thinks I should abandon myself ever again.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I don’t feel so alone anymore to know that others are treading the same path. x

    • Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD
      November 23, 2014 at 11:43 am

      I’m so sorry you have endured empathy-less attitudes from others. I understand how painful it is.

      The ‘forgive and forget’ – is actually a narcissistic mindset. Forcing abusive survivors to forgive in someone else’s timeframe – is harmful and highly judgmental.

      I am so happy to hear you are embracing your inner child and advocating for her and loving her! And that you have a GP who is empathic and caring.

      I am thankful my sharing has helped you know you are not alone, it is helpful to know others do understand ❤ ❤

  3. Patty
    November 23, 2014 at 3:50 am

    I totally agree with you. Thank goodness my therapist often talks about the “heinous, disgusting, disturbing” things that were done to me. All parts of me trust that lady in ways that I have never trusted anybody before.