It’s 1.30am, and I already know I won’t sleep all night. When I am having ‘all nighters’ I know things are bad. feel like I could write a 100 poem’s with the thoughts running around my mind. I’ve written quite a few that I haven’t published as they are so graphic about abuse I have endured, so they stay where only I can see them.
I am overwhelmed currently and none of it is staying fucking parked.
Between…
Knowing my mother was complicit in the abuse I endured…
All the self harming issues I know I have, due to so much abuse…
All the abuse I have tolerated in the past, because I was raised to be abused, groomed my entire childhood for abuse, and more scared of being abandoned, than my norm of being abused…
How I have equated abuse with love/sexual intimacy…
And the latest…
Knowing I was raped (all forms of penetration are rape) in my childhood countless times, over a period of years, by a paedophile and I had minimized this abuse to cope, because no-one showed me the needed and normal emotions/reactions when I told my mother and step father… Continue reading →
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