Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


I can have two or more sets of needs, beliefs and conversations going on in my head, at the same time…

As people with deep self insight realise….even great minds like Carl Jung…..we all have an inner child, who has needs, particularly if unmet due to an unhealthy, abusive or neglectful childhood and no childhood is perfect.

I am a combination of…a very hurt inner child, a hurt inner teenager, adolescent, responsible/caring mother/wife, and my wise old soul part of me.

A post to my inner child healing page…

I have been allowing my inner child her voice recently…..voicing what she needs in counselling…and it hasn’t gone well.

My inner child, does not trust my counsellor/doctor. The adult me, knows that my counsellor has a lot of wisdom I have and can learn from and I need that.

But, my inner child doesn’t feel safe, because my counsellor feels it necessary to show compassion to abusive people and uses positive words about them and doesn’t show any negative emotions about what my abusers have done to me…..and quite frankly that terrifies my inner child.

I know why….because that is what happened in my childhood…. abuse was minimized, abusers were deemed as good people and no-one validated my pain, fears or emotions as a child, and so those unmet needs…..continue on.

I’ve told my counsellor all this in writing, and that unless my inner child can trust her, there is no way I can divulge and talk about the worst stuff and all the many ways that has affected me. (I have endured considerable abuse from birth of every kind, from multiple abusers).

So, my inner child is speaking and I’m not sure if she is being heard.

And she/I am very nervous and currently waiting for an email back…and so my inner child’s emotions are anxious.

I can rationalise in a mature adult way, that my counsellor does not need to email me back the same day as she often does, and no doubt is busy, I am not her only client and no doubt has other more important things to do….especially now it is the weekend and that is totally okay……But, I know my inner child – who is very needy, very impatient, feels rejection, fear and a sense of being punished…easily…is desperate for a reply.

And fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of not being understood, catastrophising potential outcomes….all whirling around my mind as the mature part of me, tries to sift this out and keep on top of the emotions about this.

I am thankful that I am able to work out what is happening and why I can have opposing sets of needs occurring within me at the same time – and understand them.

It’s freakin’ hard work though…..all of this healing journey

Lilly ❤

Settle the ego’s peeps…..it’s a virtue to maintain some perspective and humility…

Nothing anyone will achieve in life, will ever be more than a drop in the ocean and a ripple outwards…
And I am totally okay and content with that.
No-one ‘changes the world’. Even the greatest humanitarians, and greatest minds that have lived….know their achievements are ripples.
I’ve been called a ‘trail blazer’, a ‘world changer’, because my insight is in a relatively new field of psychology. And my blog had had over 320,000 views – 100’s every day, and I have a successful Website that helps 100’s daily, and I may publish a book, and who knows what I may or may not do in the future……..but whatever…….it will still be a drop in the ocean.
My self honesty and awareness of ego, knows I am not a trail blazer, or a world changer….that is so far from reality.
How out of tune with reality, I would be to believe these delusional and grandiose beliefs.
The ‘success/achievement’ is in recognising this and staying in reality, not delusion, and maintaining humility.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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It deeply upsets me, how many victims of abuse are treated so badly.

It’s hard enough to have endured the abuse…..to not be believed, to be vilified, lied about, cast aside by people you thought cared about you, to have gossip and slander about you….is so painful.

I see it often occurring and I’ve had it happen to me repeatedly. By many people. Since childhood with abusive parents/family, and most recently with an entire church, after a pastor abused me. And more in between.

The big celebrity news about Bill Cosby is horrific for the alleged victims, the way they are being treated by masses.

But, ordinary people are enduring this too. And it still hurts deeply, even when not world news.

It leads people to suicide and isolation and fear of ever trusting people again. And then others just say ‘let it go’. But, the pain, the betrayal by many, the hurt, the emotional damage caused – few have empathy for.

It twists the knife in the core wound already caused by the abuse.

I can’t adequately explain how horrific it is to endure. Especially when it is whole groups of people who believe lies about you, gossip, ignore you, side with the very person who abused you.

It is so painful.

I am tears writing this.

I don’t want this for anyone who has already endured abuse of any kind, which is horrific enough. And I know so many are suffering with this.

I know that pain, I still feel it. the betrayal, the abandonment, the loss, the invalidation, the fear, the grieving, the hurt.

It is soul destroying.

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Why is society so desperate to ignore Bill Cosby’s rape allegations…….lack of empathy & selfishness…

Ignoring Cosby’s accusers meant that we got to keep our happy childhood memories of the Cosby Show

These allegations are not new. Although more women have come forward publicly in recent weeks, the rape allegations against Cosby have been public knowledge for nearly a decade, since Andrea Constand filed a 2005 lawsuit alleging that Cosby had drugged and sexually assaulted her.

Thirteen other women were willing to testify in support of Constand’s suit, and tell their own stories of mistreatment by Cosby. And so, from the very beginning, this has not been Cosby’s word against his alleged victim’s, but rather his word against his alleged victim’s, plus another alleged victim’s, and another alleged victim’s, and another alleged victim’s, and another alleged victim’s, and another alleged victim’s, and another alleged victim’s, and another alleged victim’s, and another alleged victim’s, and another alleged victim’s, and another alleged victim’s, and another alleged victim’s, and another alleged victim’s, and another alleged victim’s.

But the women’s allegations never became major news. Cosby settled the suit, and no one talked about it much in the decade that followed. He remained a member in good standing of American public life. He spoke to audiences across the country about the importance of morality and good behavior, particularly among African Americans. He landed a Netflix special and a new NBC series, although the series has been dropped and the special “postponed” amid this week’s news.

Our fear of believing the victims

When the allegations re-surfaced this month, Cosby seemed to expect that they would be ignored once again. When NPR asked about them during an interview, Cosby fell silent and shook his head. Shortly thereafter, his lawyer released a terse statement saying that the women’s claims were “decade-old, discredited allegations” and that Cosby would not be commenting further. (The silence from the Cosby camp didn’t last long — his attorney has since released a statement calling Dickinson’s claims “a complete lie.”) It seems that this story is here to stay. But why did it take so long to become news?

Believing or even paying attention to the allegations against Cosby would have required us all to do work and make sacrifices, and we didn’t want to do that. Ignoring his accusers meant that we got to keep our happy childhood memories of the Cosby Show. Ignoring his accusers meant that we got to keep laughing at Cosby’s classic standup routines, which still hold up, even after all those years.  Ignoring his accusers meant that we got to keep Cosby as a powerful cultural figure.

Believing the accusers, or just entertaining the thought that they could be telling the truth, meant that we would have to come to terms with the knowledge that someone we accepted into our lives, someone whose art we loved, had the capacity to commit this evil act, over and over. We didn’t want to do that. So, for a long time, we didn’t — until comedian Hannibal Buress made the decision to come at the king, and did not miss. Continue reading

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Carl G Jung, was an incredible mind…

I relate to all these quotes…

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.”

“There’s no coming to consciousness without pain.”

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.”
 “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”
All ~ C.G.Jung.

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Avoidance…….a huge issue I see clearly within humanity…

Avoidance….is a huge human issue, I see so clearly.

People avoid thinking about bad stuff in the world, to keep their lives comfortable & easy.

People avoid needed thinking about deep & meaningful issues surrounding suffering, for the same reason.

People avoid seeing &/or accept the bad in others as normal, so they don’t have to think about the bad within themselves.

Or people ‘only’ focus on the bad in others, to avoid thinking about the bad within themselves.

People avoid deep introspection, to avoid the fear and shame of what they may find.

People avoid the realities of life, with meaningless outer pursuits.

People avoid a lot…..due to fear, potential shame, and the desire for a shallow, egocentric life of ease and comfort.

And all this avoidance, means people don’t mature and don’t grow.

And all this avoidance, is encouraged and celebrated in society, which is one of many reasons why society is increasingly immature, where many adults are stuck in the adolescent maturity level of striving for ‘success’ and ‘self needs’ based lives.

Avoidance, is not healthy, or a sign of maturity, or strength.

And I see all of this, because I have had a lot of avoidance in my life, about many things.

I have avoided seeing the reality of all the abuse done to me.

I have avoided reflecting on my own issues and behaviours, until recently.

I am aware, that avoidance is never healthy, never about growth.

It takes courage and willingness, to look deep within, to look at the suffering in this world, to look at why there is suffering and not avoid that to keep life easy and comfortable, in a delusional way.

Yes, it is about balance, and approaching some things slowly and carefully, but avoiding the reality of life, the reality of who we are….is not maturity.


Too many people become defined by what they do, rather than look deep within…at all their ‘labels’.

Too many people allow themselves to become defined by what they do – their job, their success, their ambitions………instead of looking within their heart and soul at who they really are inside.

This is often driven by insecurity and fear and a sense of emptiness that needs filling. And with that insecurity and fear, comes ego.

They need to fill that hole in their soul….with something to define them – labels they can attach to themselves.

That continual need for outer success and outer achievements….is nothing more than avoidance of searching within for the answers, to who they truly are.

Often this is due to fear of what they may find within.

It takes courage, inner strength

and deep honesty, to search within..

rather than define self with

outer achievements/needs.

This is something I am aware of and apply with to myself.

I am not the labels I do attach to myself on social media – survivor, writer, educator…….that is just part of who I am and not all of who I am.

I should also write ‘sinner’

if I am going to apply labels,

because I am a sinner.

Not proud or happy about that at all, but I am a sinner and I am trying to work on it. What I am not, is one of those church people who seems proud and accepting of being a sinner – with little willingness to work on it. It is not a positive label. Acceptance of being a sinner, but not being willing to work on it, is sin in itself and a true sign of someone who is not a Christian. Continue reading