Brene Brown’s definiton of courage…and why accountability is necessary…

I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage.

Heroics is often about putting our life on the line.

Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line.

In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.

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Setting boundaries and holding people accountable is a lot more work than shaming and blaming. But it’s also much more effective.

Shaming and blaming without accountability is toxic to couples, families, organizations, and communities.

First, when we shame and blame, it moves the focus from the original behavior in question to our own behaviour.

It’s hard for us to understand that we can be compassionate and accepting while we hold people accountable for their behaviours.

We can, and, in fact, it’s the best way to do it.

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~ Brene Brown, – The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Made me smile, I love humour like this, poking fun at myself!

I love humour and humour is healing and I can laugh at myself, and my ‘issues’.

I’ve done this in the past….and the new me’ never occurred….healthy eating, exercise every day, not swear and cuss anymore…

I have come to an acceptance that my will power for certain things………..is crap!

Did Martin Luther King Jr….have a double life….?

It is alleged that MLK, led a double life, was unfaithful to his wife, organised many orgies, paid for prostitutes and was in fact gay.

Apparently, there is evidence of this and I’ve been trawling through some of it. FBI letters (can’t say I trust them much), tapes of orgies where MLK said for a man to come and suck his ****. Many people stating they witnessed MLK’s sexual behaviours.

Who knows whether any of this is true…..but you know……it wouldn’t surprise me. And not anything to do with MLK being black (before anyone assumes that)……but because the traits in many who want to become world leaders, who have a love of being on the ‘stage’ and many within Christianity….have psychopathic traits.

They have a need to ‘tell others what to do’…..put down others, but really they are just hiding and covering their own dark issues.

On lessor levels, you can see this all playing out right now with Bill Cosby…he feels entitled to tell other black men to pull their pants up….hypocrite?…well it’s certainly looking that way.

It’s played out with many famous people in the media. And this has always gone on….these dark personality traits exist in greater numbers than many realise.

Many of these psychopaths have these excellent images/facades created where they receive adoration and applause…the psychopath who abused me severely for years, was a ‘charity’ supporter – in the local papers for all his ‘good work’. Behind closed door, he was a sadistic sexual psychopath.

I’ve written before about their ‘perfect covers/images’. Their love of power, control.

And many church ministers lead double lives, the need for power, adoration, control and sexual abuse issues that come with that. I’ve endured that too.

Is MLK one, I don’t know, and I’m not assuming he is.

There is a lot of this goes on though.

Did MLK do a lot of good, yes he did. But at what cost???

It is disturbing how many find rape jokes amusing, and other forms of planned harm..

Until you make the unconscious….conscious….C.G.Jung

I see many people filling their lives with outer pursuits, outer goals, outer successes, pleasures and achievements, all failing to understand that until we look deep within….we don’t even know who we are.

People choose to remain in delusion about self, all their lives. Fear of shame….to look deep within.

It isn’t a pleasant journey, the path of self discovery…it is about stripping away all previous beliefs about self….what is okay, what isn’t, what needs to change, the unhealthy ego and how this has affected our lives.

But, for those who truly wish to understand self and have the courage and inner strength to take that path….it is an immense awakening and I believe…..the only path to true healing.

People have some strong views about my counsellor/doctors approach to counselling….

I’m aware my doctors Christian approach to viewing everyone as needing compassion and using what most people would deem to be ‘positive’ words about them…..is very triggering and emotive to many, including me.

After writing about voicing my inner child’s needs and why she upsets and triggers me, and what I need…I have received responses that are not positive ones about her approach…two being from counsellors….

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Please trust your inner child and find another counsellor. To minimise abuse is further abuse and is a roadblock to your healing. I don’t believe that this counsellor is sufficiently trained in trauma work and you deserve better. ❤

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 I am finding that what you are saying resonates with me. I “get it” that how your counsellor is showing compassion to your abuser is setting off alarms for you. I spent 29 years working in criminal justice – with offenders and knowing acutely how their victims were impacted. If I ever met your counsellor, I would give that person a heated blast of reality along with a boatload of literature and statistics. Your counsellor is nullifying the hell that you went through because a human being made a series of choices to inflict harm to you for self-gratification. I held offenders accountable for deliberate decision-making, but your counsellor is NOT. That really really, REALLY angers me, both professionally and personally because you are being re-victimized. Listen to your inner child. Your inner child knows that what you experienced is NOT being affirmed or validated or HEARD by someone who should know better, yet who has an office, a practice, and credentials to suggest that he/she “knows all that and a bag of chips.” I went through this invalidating crap myself in my personal life…and it did a lot of damage because I ignored what my gut was saying and tried to incorporate what this person was telling me. I was only able to start to heal once I was connected with therapists who really truly “heard” me – you are not being heard by your counsellor.

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