Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Having an evening swim, and thankful to realise I am increasingly feeling more ‘light’.

I am trying really hard to focus more on all the good in my life, and I’ve been doing pretty well, considering.

It’s very easy for horrific trauma and processing it, coming to understand the depth and severity of it….to consume you. I’m a strong person and it can consume me totally, so I have no judgment for those who are consumed by their trauma. The pain, is crippling.

But on the whole, I’ve been doing well in forcing myself to focus on good for larger parts of the day. And there is much good in my life. Jesus, my children, my husband, our home, my counselling, my healing, the fact that we have access to health, education, water, food, jobs, my sense of humour, my pool, my fairy garden… etc… So much I realise the majority of the world does not have. And I often take for granted, as so many in 1st world countries do.

So whilst swimming up and down in the balmy 30 degrees water of our fab pool, admiring my fairy garden and all it’s pretty lights, admiring the new lights my husband put up shining onto our pool….I felt a huge sense of thankfulness and blessings, that I prayed I could feel more often. Continue reading

Decided to find a church for Christmas carols and Christmas Day service :-)

I have been in my ‘wilderness’ for a while now. Not attending church, but deeply loving Jesus. This wilderness, is not one of my own doing, but I needed time away from Church people to deal with some of the deeper issues and to grieve all the spiritual abuse. How better to deal with people who believe wrong and abusive views and not feel such fear about this. And get my head around how no-one is going to be ‘my family’, how to be far slower in creating relationships etc.

My 12 year old has asked a few times when we will start going to a church again, and he wants to go to a youth group. And I don’t want my issues, the abuse I endured, to affect my children, anymore than the spiritual abuse already has.

It feels like the right time of year, to be thinking about returning to a church. Even though I have previously vowed to ‘never’ go to a church again.

I know I need to reflect on my way of dealing with other people’s issues and manage my emotions about how they will view my issues. Not jump straight into friendships, and definitely not expect this whole ‘church family’ attitude, as being a replacement for my nice family I never had.

It would feel really wrong, to not celebrate the birth of Jesus, with other people who love Jesus. And no matter what % of each church are actually Christians, there will always be some who are. Continue reading