Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Decided to find a church for Christmas carols and Christmas Day service :-)

I have been in my ‘wilderness’ for a while now. Not attending church, but deeply loving Jesus. This wilderness, is not one of my own doing, but I needed time away from Church people to deal with some of the deeper issues and to grieve all the spiritual abuse. How better to deal with people who believe wrong and abusive views and not feel such fear about this. And get my head around how no-one is going to be ‘my family’, how to be far slower in creating relationships etc.

My 12 year old has asked a few times when we will start going to a church again, and he wants to go to a youth group. And I don’t want my issues, the abuse I endured, to affect my children, anymore than the spiritual abuse already has.

It feels like the right time of year, to be thinking about returning to a church. Even though I have previously vowed to ‘never’ go to a church again.

I know I need to reflect on my way of dealing with other people’s issues and manage my emotions about how they will view my issues. Not jump straight into friendships, and definitely not expect this whole ‘church family’ attitude, as being a replacement for my nice family I never had.

It would feel really wrong, to not celebrate the birth of Jesus, with other people who love Jesus. And no matter what % of each church are actually Christians, there will always be some who are.

I know I would need to talk to the pastors, and one has been recommended to me, an Anglican church near us, with a male and female pastor, and I know I am drawn to the way some Anglican’s preach, with my favourite theologian (so far) being N.T Wright, who definitely has views on how the Bible should be read and interpreted that sit well with my soul.

So, I am going to do it. My husband is okay with it.

I am actually excited – we love singing Christmas carols and I want to attend on Christmas Day.

Jesus, is what Christmas Day is about, as well as family and sharing joy.

I feel like it’s time to start thinking about this and deal with it slowly and carefully.

Not my ‘all or nothing’ issues.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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