A lovely lady who has been following my page a long time, who I have come to know well, via communication on my Lilly FB page, said the other day, she wishes I was her daughter. And she said it sincerely and commenting on how much I have grown through my journey since I began my complex PTSD page nearly 2 years ago.
To hear those words, is emotional for me. Still.
They are the words I have craved and the understanding I have needed from a mother, all my life and never received.
I still can’t deal with all my emotions about my mother, since realising she was complicit in the abuse I endured as a child. I don’t hate her, but it is easier for me to just not think about her. And when I do, just think of her as the sick, mentally ill, bitter woman she is and know that is her own doing and I am thankful I am not like her and I am not responsible for her.
As I have blogged about many times, I have craved the family I never had. I’ve wanted people to say to me they ‘see me as a daughter’ and be like a mother to me. Adopt me, as an adult. I’ve actually seen adult adoptions some people are doing, to give adult survivors of child abuse, a family. That was emotive to see too and the look of such deep happiness on the faces of the adoptees was wonderful! Continue reading