Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Someone told me they wished I was their daughter…..cue tears!

A lovely lady who has been following my page a long time, who I have come to know well, via communication on my Lilly FB page, said the other day, she wishes I was her daughter. And she said it sincerely and commenting on how much I have grown through my journey since I began my complex PTSD page nearly 2 years ago.

To hear those words, is emotional for me. Still.

They are the words I have craved and the understanding I have needed from a mother, all my life and never received.

I still can’t deal with all my emotions about my mother, since realising she was complicit in the abuse I endured as a child. I don’t hate her, but it is easier for me to just not think about her. And when I do, just think of her as the sick, mentally ill, bitter woman she is and know that is her own doing and I am thankful I am not like her and I am not responsible for her.

As I have blogged about many times, I have craved the family I never had. I’ve wanted people to say to me they ‘see me as a daughter’ and be like a mother to me. Adopt me, as an adult. I’ve actually seen adult adoptions some people are doing, to give adult survivors of child abuse, a family. That was emotive to see too and the look of such deep happiness on the faces of the adoptees was wonderful! Continue reading


My blogs on psychopaths & narcissists, are being sought, tweeted & having Bill Cosby’s twitter username, added to them.

I am aware my work, educates people to detect these psychopathic, narcissistic traits in people…..and I am glad because I don’t want people hurt by those with these traits.

Far too much harm and abuse is caused by those with these highly manipulative and abusive traits, and that is not okay. And as narcissism increases….abuse increases.

I have not personally said Bill Cosby is a psychopath….but I do see many traits, I’ve heard his comedy routine about drugging women, I’ve seen his hypocrisy in telling others what to do……and it is doubtful that all those un-connected women are all lying.

Many people with these dark traits, crave celebrity, crave power, crave being able to abuse vulnerable people and feel totally entitled to it. Continue reading

Brene Brown has it absolutely right about shame and with society’s obsession with having to be ‘strong’.

I saw courage in my daughter, Ellen, when she called me from a slumber party at 10: 30 p.m. and said, “Mom, can you come get me?” When I picked her up, she got in the car and said, “I’m sorry. I just wasn’t brave enough. I got homesick. It was so hard. Everyone was asleep, and I had to walk to Libby’s mom’s bedroom and wake her up.”

I pulled into our driveway, got out of the car, and walked around to the backseat where Ellen was sitting. I scooted her over and sat next to her. I said, “Ellen, I think asking for what you need is one of the bravest things that you’ll ever do. I suffered through a couple of really miserable sleepovers and slumber parties because I was too afraid to ask to go home. I’m proud of you.”

The next morning during breakfast, Ellen said, “I thought about what you said. Can I be brave again and ask for something else?” I smiled. “I have another slumber party next weekend. Would you be willing to pick me up at bedtime? I’m just not ready.”

That’s courage. The kind we could all use more of.

Brown, Brene  – The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.

Courage….is not about ‘proving how strong you are’ – that’s not courage….courage is being able to be vulnerable and not hide that.

To ask for help, not be ‘told’ you need help.

I see all these people who think they have courage – they stand up in front of others and tell their ‘stories’ – after they have ‘healed’ and claim that’s courage….

To me that is not courage…..courage is the capacity to share your story during it all, all the good, bad and ugly. The times you are not ‘strong’, the times you feel suicidal, the times you cannot cope, the wrong you have done and own it….during it all….as that takes vulnerability to admit and share.

Courage is capacity to share when feeling shame…..and why. Continue reading