Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Grieving the loss of a perpetrator….complicated grief.


I know I am grieving. Grieving my childhood. Grieving decades of abuse. Grieving how it has so significantly affected my whole life so far. Grieving relationships, where they were abusers. My mother being the most painful.

I also know loss and grieving is not only when someone has died. My ‘mother’ died to me, as a ‘mother’ a while back. I will never have contact with her again, so in effect she is dead to me. Obviously, when she does die, I will probably grieve again.

As if this woman hasn’t caused enough trauma in my life already……

It’s like the abusive ‘gift’ that keeps on giving….


I never viewed my grieving as complicated grief.

Grief is a complicated process under normal circumstances. The more complicated (dysfunctional) the relationship, the more complicated the grief.


This ^ is from a Survivor/Therapist and I know survivors who become therapists, can often have far greater insight into the emotional needs of survivors of abuse.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “Grieving the loss of a perpetrator….complicated grief.

  1. Thank you ❤ ❤

    I know many are going through this and I hope it validated what they are feeling. In this very emotionally abandoning society….validation is needed.

  2. Lisa,
    Thank you for all the helpful information you share! My mother died November 4th 1996. The following spring I became legally responsible for my father..Dysfunctional? My oh my…but when you are growing up that is all you know!! Thing is, I did know and was fighting it my entire childhood. Even so, when the time came and they needed me, I was there to try and make their crossing over as painless as possible! I do not feel that I ever truly went through the grieving process, though after my father’s death I had a nervous breakdown. My brother died a few years afterwards and his I cared/care little about!
    Past experiences haunt me to this day, even ones I cannot recall. December is one of those tough months! I am getting stronger and have started the battle to heal. I am so thankful there are sites and individuals as yourself around. You are a true blessing! Thank you, so much! I pray this month you will also find a time of peace!
    God Bless

  3. I came across your blog site when I was typing something in a search engine about grieving . I can relate to your blog. I’m an adult survivor. Your writing is beautiful. I love your blogs. Each day is a struggle for me & I’m doing it alone seeing someone at a non profit mental health agency. I have no friends, everything I struggle in. Please keep up this website b/c this sure does help me. Your blog site is really well done. I will use it as a definite reference. also I don’t use Facebook otherwise I’d follow visit on there. Thank you again. You give me much needed strength with what I deal with.