Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Having your baby son threatened with death, by a sadistic psychopath, is trauma.


I didn’t realise until recently, the depth of trauma that comes from having my baby son threatened (threat of death), by a sadistic psychopath.

My son was about 1 years old. I had previously been advised by police, to move. They knew what the psychopath was capable of. It was them that described him as a sadistic psychopath. The police hate him.

I remember telling my husband what had happened, when I saw the psychopath and he smiled his evil smile and indicated to my son who was in a pram, and put his thumb across his throat, to indicate slicing his throat.

You would have to know or have dealt with this psychopath, to know he was sick enough to kill and he had killed before and ‘got away with it’.

Back then, when this threat occurred, I was on autopilot of dealing with decades of trauma and sick individuals. It was my norm.

Now, I realise just how much subconscious fear that instilled in me.

Enough to take advice, and emigrate. Within the next year, we had successfully applied for visa’s for my husband and son, and had left.

I am SO thankful I was born here in another country far away, and able to move back here easily.

 To feel my family is safer.

I still don’t feel entirely safe. I still fear I am on his bucket list of things to ‘take care of’ before he dies. And I know he could potentially use my family to cause the greatest harm to me. The police who dealt with him, knew that too.

I am looking forward to the day I find out he is dead.

I don’t wish any harm to him, but, I know I will feel safer when he is dead.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “Having your baby son threatened with death, by a sadistic psychopath, is trauma.

  1. I’m so sorry. That WAS traumatic as hell I’m sure…Hugs

  2. Thank you ❤

    I am processing some of the deeper aspects of all the trauma now, but actually feel stronger doing it. It hurts badly, but I am managing my emotions better these days, balancing my days, with some trauma stuff, but also nice, fun, good stuff…which is how I know I am healing.

    I am finding my voice more too 🙂