Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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My Jung based archetype is the Sage…

archetype carl jung

Did a ‘which Jung archetype best describes you’ quiz and this was the answer….

You’re the sage!

 According to Carl Jung, the sage represents wisdom and the search for truth.

You are wise beyond your years, patient and a deep thinker. You’re driven by a thirst for knowledge. One of your greatest fears is being ignorant, misled, or duped.

You’re incredibly intelligent but you risk over analyzing until you’re incapable of actually making a decision.

You’re an old soul and wise beyond your years, but Jung would tell you don’t get lost in the clouds!


I actually agree with most of this……..I do have a deep thirst for the truth and wisdom.

I definitely have a fear of being ignorant, misled or duped! For sure!

I have been told I am wise beyond my years…..I do over-analyse sometimes….I do get overwhelmed by this and then cannot cope with making a decision.

I have been told I am an old soul, and I am also an INFP type which does mean my head is on the clouds sometimes.

The only thing I disagree with is the patient part…..I don’t consider patience ones of my virtues. But, I realise this is due to PTSD too. But, I am becoming more patient…….the fruits of the spirit growing.

I also know, I am several archetypes, within one soul…..and this is just one of them.

I am also the caregiver, orphan & explorer too. But, I think the sage is my more dominant archetype.

A list of them all….

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Bought my inner child a card & bookmark, from a mother to a cherished daughter.

After reading a great way to help our inner child healing….to buy cards with wording we wished we heard in our childhood…… I decided to give this a go.

So, the result being me filling up with tears, trying desperately hard not to cry, in the middle of a busy newsagents…..because I was reading a card with beautiful, loving words a caring mother would send her daughter. **Cue deep emotions…tears…

Had to hide amongst the card stands for a few minutes while I pulled myself together……I’m sure I probably looked very suspicious! : **rolls eyes..

I also saw bookmark in the same range, with different, but equally emotive wording for a much cherished daughter.

So, once I had pulled myself together and stopped hiding out looking like some petty thief up to no good…..I went and paid for them.

Then left thanking God that I didn’t get stopped for suspicious behaviour and my bags searched! Phew!

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New Year’s Eve 2015

All my social media have seen a recent explosion again in numbers and views, and this blog is having an explosion too!

3,250 views so far for today!! On New Years Eve.

And over 355,000 views since May 2013.

Considering the subject matter, it’s pretty amazing really and I can’t downplay, minimize and ignore that. I don’t write about pleasant things like cooking, fashion, positivity is everything stuff….subjects popular in society.

I write about unpleasant, often horrific taboo subjects, many in society prefer to ignore.

It shows how much people want to read all I post and the need for this.

I have no idea what 2015 will bring, I stopped planning and thinking I knew what would happen some time back.

My hope and prayer, is 2015 brings my family and I – better health, more love, more empathy, peace, greater wisdom and joy.

That is my hope and prayer for all and the world needs far more of this.

I will keep writing and sharing, as is my passion and keep praying & trusting it reaches those it needs to reach and they feel comforted, validated and understood a little and can understand themselves a little more. And pray this acts as inspiration or comfort, or what each individual needs.

I have gone through so much in 2014….hurt a lot, cried a lot, learned a lot, grown a lot, grieved a lot and written a lot.

May 2015, continue to be what myself and everyone needs it to be…..and more importantly – what God needs it to be ❤

❤ ❤


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What the Bible says about abusive people and how to deal with them.

Interesting reading and something I have thought about also. Nowhere does Jesus tell us to run after abusive people, ignore their abusive ways and keep being harmed by them either…

We can forgive, have compassion, show grace, show mercy……whilst also keeping away from them, to protect our own hearts, souls and healing.

Jesus does NOT ask us to be martyrs,

to the abusive needs of others.


Spiritual food for thought…

“Nowhere in the Bible are we instructed to ‘psychoanalyze’ offensive/abusive people.

We are not told in the Scriptures to try and ‘understand’ why our abuser behaves as he/she does. We are not told to excuse /hisher abuse because he/she herself was an abused child, he/she has ‘issues,’ low self-esteem, ‘personality disorders,’ etc.

Instead, we are taught how to respond to abuse, and how to deal directly with offenders and their behaviour, regardless of their ‘reasons.’

We are told, very clearly, to rebuke, to forgive if there is repentance, and to have nothing to do with them if there is no repentance. (Luke 17:3, Ezekiel 33:8-9, Titus 3:10-11, 1 Timothy 5:20, Matthew 18:15-17)”

http://www.luke173ministries.org/


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Some posters I made recently to help inspire, or validate others :)

INCREASING

INCREASING

INCREASING

INCREASING

Alone-Flower

This last one, was created, to address how not everyone will understand our journey, because it takes empathy and wisdom, and that is not something most people have. I stopped expecting everyone to understand, and my life became easier for it. I can’t understand how it feels to be a cancer patient, because I have not endured it, so I understand this also relates to complex trauma.


The fine line between martyrs & narcissists…

Interesting reading on what I also see within society within Christianity, as those who truly are martyrs, and often narcissists, and yet don’t realise it. And will be very upset if you point this out.

I have always noticed this, had the red flags and know narcissistic martyr behaviour when I see it. Of course, that is never received well.


http://open.salon.com/blog/oryoki_bowl/2011/03/10/of_narcissists_and_martyrs_whos_who

I was struck by this idea yesterday, driving home from work, about the perhaps narrower line between the one and the other than we might assume.  I believe that when we think “narcissist”, we are only thinking of the classics.  Recent history (like the last few weeks of news) has inserted a few new narcissists into the public archive- although there was no surprise there- such as Mr. Sheen and Mr Gaddafi, Mr Berlosconi now on trial on Italy, Mr. West of music and making idiotic comment fame.

These men live in their completely self involved and self deluded world, mirrored by hand selected sycophantic nubile nymphs and entourages of beta males.  Every man who is not him is a beta male.  Or less.  No men want to be a beta male, but having to accept that, many will go for an A in Asskissing. If you remember which one of you is the sun, you might get some radiation, I mean, radiant heat from his glow.  Eventually, things burn down.

All of them see themselves as unique, amazing individuals who have been unfairly singled out, and unfairly criticized while they live in truth, and stand for something much greater than our average feeble minds can understand.  They could lead a cult.  Oh wait, they already do. 

It’s not too hard to find lesser narcissists among us.  In what used to be a rarer occurrence (blame the lamestream media and the interwebs), we now have weekly if not daily occurrences of these men driven, DRIVEN, by a higher force, to share themselves with the world.  They can’t help it, they have to bring the message to the public.  Be like me, I am like a god. Listen to me, god speaks through me.  For those not on the god channel, with considerably less musical talent, an incapacity to get elected to office, or a face just not up there for the movie industry, our pantheon of minor narcissists finds paid work in the pulpit of enthusiastic religious crowds, the parapet of counter-politics, and the publishing world of instant self recognition- now with video.  

The message is the same, the content and delivery and audience different.  I am here to serve you, the masses, by gracing you with my brilliance. I have no choice, I suffer, for you.  This will end by the hand of god, I will have to die in a blaze of glory.  I will not go down without a fight to the death, taking any and all with me.  How is that not a martyr?

On the flipside of martyrdom, we often find our long suffering, more commonly recognized martyrs attached to the world of “good”.  They get out there and slog all day long, unrepenting, unrelenting, and unreimbursed.  Some get some “free” media coverage, but they are not the hero, they are the fighter of the cause.  Also suffering, also fighting the good fight or the right fight, they will go down with the ship.  Or the unpopular vote.  Their narcissist enemies will paint them into self involved, outside egos.  They know how to do this very well.

Our “lesser” martyrs among us can often be found in social service groups- like church, elementary schools, hospital settings.  These are the ladies, and men, who just refuse to say “no” and take on yet another thing because that is their sworn duty.  To god, or to themselves.  It is why they are here.  I am all for having some purpose to guide your life, a few mottos and philosophies to inform our decision-making. Blind adherence becomes short sighted, the vision of how we want to see ourselves in the mirror, how we would like others to see us.  

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More parenting humour! And some great advice I sought :)

My tween has hormones…….increasingly so. And it ain’t fun!

So, after seeking some wise advice from some lovely people who have far more experience and wisdom with teenagers than I do (I am always seeking other people’s wisdom)……I had some great advice…in response to some stuff my tween has been doing…

Normal… I just tell them, “that’s unfortunate” and don’t make solving their problem my problem when it comes to these kind of things. They have to enter to learn they can entertain themselves and if they are hungry enough, they will eat what is there. It helps to take a less emotional approach and not let it affect you on a personal level.

One of my favorite approaches is to give a big hug and say “awe, that sounds like a personal problem.” They didn’t like to hear it at first, but our job is to teach them to be independent thinkers, problem solvers, and doers step by step, so I remind them of that.

And humour……..you gotta have a sense of humour when parenting teenagers!!!

I do have a sense of humour about parenting and I need to up this to survive the teenager stage.. 🙂

I always joke that I have a pact with Jesus, that He will come back before my kids reach teenagers, you know so I don’t have to deal with the teenage hormones, because of course that’s all Jesus has to worry about…. lol! 😉

But, somehow I don’t think that is gonna happen… 🙂

Some posters that made me laugh today…

kids

kids favourites


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Trauma Bonds…..These Can Occur Within Any Dysfunctional/Abusive Relationship

Loyalty belief

This is excellent advice and looks at trauma bonding that occurs within dysfunctional and abusive relationships.

I see this occurring, and trauma bonding and co-dependency are big issues many don’t realise they have.


The “Addictive” Trauma Bond – Learning What It Is And How To Help Yourself Heal

The following gives an accurate description of the highly ‘addictive’ quality of traumatic relationships with the disordered. The following is by Dr. Patrick Carnes and from his book, “The Betrayal Bond.”

This is an excellent resource for your recovery:

Trauma Bonds

by Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., CAS

Abandonment and trauma are at the core of addictions.

Abandonment causes deep shame. Abandonment by betrayal is worse than mindless neglect.

Betrayal is purposeful and self-serving. If severe enough, it is traumatic. What moves betrayal into the realm of trauma is fear and terror.

If the wound is deep enough and the terror big enough, the body alters. The system elevates into an alarm state, never safe. Waiting for the hurt again. In that state of readiness the client doesn’t notice that part of them has died. The client is grieving.

Like everyone who has loss, the clients have shock and disbelief, fear, loneliness, and sadness. Yet the clients don’t notice because their guard is up.

In their readiness, the clients abandon themselves. Yes, another abandonment. What we see is highly addictive attachment to the persons who have hurt the clients. The clients may even blame themselves, their defects, their failed efforts. The clients strive to do better as their lives slip away amongst all the intensity.

These attachments cause the clients to distrust their own judgment, to distort their own realities so much, the clients can place themselves at more risk. The clients are bracing themselves against further hurt. Taking precautions which almost guarantee more pain.

These attachments have a name. They are called trauma bonds.

Exploitive relationships create trauma bonds.

These occur when a victim bonds with someone who is destructive to them.

Similarly, adult survivors of abusive and dysfunctional families struggle with bonds that are rooted in their own trauma experiences.

To be loyal to that which does not work – or worse, to a person who is toxic, exploitive, or destructive to the client, is a form of insanity.

A number of signs exist for the presence of a betrayal bond:

1. When everyone around the client is having negative reactions so strong the client is covering up, defending, or explaining a relationship.
2. When there is a constant pattern of non-performance and the client continues to expect them to follow through anyway.
3. When there are repetitive, destructive fights that are no win for anybody. Continue reading


Buying cards for my inner child :)

A community member on my Inner Child Healing page @ https://www.facebook.com/healingcomplextraumainnerchild suggested a really wonderful idea on how to address unmet childhood needs and to help your inner child know they are loved, cherished and wanted, now…

Buying cards for your inner child 🙂

I often look at cards, that are to daughters, sisters and lovely Birthday cards etc and feel sad that I never received this kind of love from my parents, or family.

I am going to buy myself some, from a mother, father, sister etc….and those really lovely ones that are for no specific occasion – but just to let someone you treasure – know they are treasured.

Happy-Birthday-Cards-For-Daughter  Continue reading