Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Suffering, adversity and the courage required, creates deeper learning, growth and maturity..

I am so thankful my posters I write and share, help, educate and inspire many. I know that due to them being shared thousands of times, they are needed.

It is always my motivation for all I write to help people, and I know it does by the volume of traffic here, my website and social media sites. I don’t write for success, or so people will say nice things about (like most writers). I write about controversial, emotive areas of life, that most prefer to ignore.

I am a true INFP idealist, deeply thinking, deeply caring non egocentric, bigger picture person, who wants the world to be a better place and I know education is needed for this. And I know my work attracts a lot of comments and feedback like ‘you are a trail blazer’, ‘amazing’ etc….but I know it is just ripples, in a big huge world, with billions of people.

And I do see how 327,000 + views here on my blog, the huge traffic through my website and the feedback I get and from whom…is validation of my work.

INCREASING


The issue of trust……..do I actually need to trust people?

Having lived with issues caused by so many who abused trust……..leaving me with very understandable trust issues, those wounds cut deeper and deeper with each betrayal, each abuse of my vulnerability…I have spent a lot of time thinking about not ever trusting anyone, to then trying to trust, to getting burned again, to having a fear of trust….and cycling around this issue…mostly because I picked the wrong people to trust…repeatedly.

Subconscious self harming issues I am aware I have had, due to all the abuse.

But, these trust issues run very deep.

I have recently explained why part of me, does not even trust my own counsellor/doctor. I have explained in detail, what I think I need to trust her. I know what I need and what will make me more likely to open up further…

Now, I am starting to see….maybe I don’t actually need anyone to trust….

I haven’t processed all this yet….but I am thinking that it is the inner child that requires that trust…….which will apply to most adults.

I am aware my inner strength for many things, is very strong. But, there are areas where I am needy for things to allow me to be in a place where I am comfortable enough to talk, about things that I endured as a child. Things that I have shame related issues about, I know intellectually, are not mine to own.

I am needy for that validation from anyone I have feel I have to trust enough…to speak about the really deep traumatic issues. I know this is my inner child needing that security, that validation, that re-assurance.

So, as my inner child healing progresses, I can see I won’t need to have to try to trust anyone…..I will only need to trust myself and Jesus, and that is the place I want to get to.

I do trust Jesus, but not myself….not enough to feel the completely independent security of not needing trustworthy attachments. The ones I should have had in my childhood.

Trust………..is a complicated critter.


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I changed my Blog header pic, for several reasons…& it shows my healing progression..

I changed my header pic, because the last one had a picture of mountains and this journey does feel like a series of mountains to climb, which is why it was originally chosen.

On this last pic, I also had self applied labels, which I am trying to stop focussing on….the labels I had applied to myself being ‘survivor’, ‘author’, ‘educator’, etc.

I am all those things, but they are just positive labels and not all of who I am. So, I decided to ditch them……….and just use my pen name and simply state, “I share my journey, so others know they are not alone”. I want to move away from any of these labels society insists we need, to try to show our ‘outward’ needs to prove we are a ‘success’ and we are ‘important’.

Inner security is to know we are enough, without the labels.

I also decided to use a pic showing the hands making a heart shape. Because I want people to know, I share with others, as an act of love for others. So ditched the mountains 😉

I am aware I am constantly growing and evolving in my mind, heart and soul. I realise and know this will be a life long journey and a journey I am thankful I have the willingness, to be on.

And I know I will also screw up along the way, and learn from this and own it. And I am not afraid of this. I realise more and more, how it is the times we are challenged by suffering and adversity, by our own self being challenged, that we learn the most, grow the most, mature the most. Continue reading


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You are not a bad person for choosing to say bye-bye to abusive family members ~ Jeff Brown

From Jeff Brown, someone I can see has great insight into recovery from abusive relationships and tackling the shame that society/religion encourages & promotes in often badly dealing with abuse and it is required to deal with the devastation it causes.

I have personally heard so much emotional/spiritual abuse about this subject from church people and it further prevents healing and further enables abuse. I choose to ignore all these people who have no insight, no education, no training and no empathy into the needs of abuse victims/survivors.

I do not buy into abuser protecting, victim shaming/blaming. Or forced forgiveness, or forced reconciliation, or cheap grace, or putting timeframes on healing and different areas of healing.

And I will tell church people and anyone in society, who wishes to hurt me, or any other abuse survivor, with their wrongful views, opinions & judgments.


Sharing an excerpt from my new course, available for download in a few weeks. The challenges of remaining connected with difficult parents or family members…

“Some of us cannot preserve our dignity and well-being if we remain connected to one or both of our parents. This is not to say that we don’t do our best to heal and preserve those relationships, but sometimes it is simply not possible and it is not healthy to continue.

Unfortunately, many who have made the brave, necessary decision to disconnect are met with a shaming, shunning response from others. It is one of the most destructive and imprisoning guilt trips of all time “But she’s your mother”, “But he’s your father”, “They did their best”, “You owe them your life” etc.

This has to stop.

You can be sure that if someone is considering disconnecting from members of their family of origin, there must be very legitimate reasons for doing so. Even if they did their best, that doesn’t mean we have to stay in contact with them.

Some wounds cut too deep. Some bridges have been permanently burnt. Some people do not change.

Let’s get this straight- you are not a bad person if you choose to say good bye to abusive family members. You have every right to preserve your emotional integrity.”

~ Jeff Brown


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Now Abbott is backing down on Uni/Education reforms, I can hopefully study! :)

keep-calm-and-study-on-869

I had given up on the desire to study, due to the current governments motivation to make higher education impossible for lower income earners and widen the ‘class’ divides further…

Now I read he is backing down on this…….YES!……this means myself and many like me, do have a possibility studying 😀

So, I have decided I need to stop procrastinating and get on with study. Going to ask some advice about this at counselling too.

I have found a completely online (I can’t attend on campus) under-graduate part time degree, offered by the local Catholic university, and as long as I can defer fees, as most currently can….I could start next year.

I have considered doing a philosophy course, as that is right up my alley…….but, I think if I want to get qualifications behind me in the field of work I am in, it needs to be within a psychology related field. Then this opens doors in the future, to different avenues of work, and will add credibility to my written work.

It would educate me further…which I want. And is the area that I am aware is my path….human behaviour and mental health.

And it would open up more avenues to further post graduate study, as well.


Do Narcissists Really Know What They Are Doing?

Great blog from a dear friend ❤
It is always important to remember that narcissists and sociopaths are 'unwilling' – not 'unable'….to have empathy and to accept their behaviours are harmful.
It is planned and it is intentional.

Cynthia Bailey-Rug

The answer is a resounding YES!!!

Narcisissts are absolutely aware of what they are doing & the damage they cause.  And, they are well able to control their actions.

Anyone who has spent time around a narcissist knows that they act entirely differently around people they want to impress versus people they don’t care about impressing.  That is painfull obvious.  The fact is though that they also are very aware when they have gone too far over the top in their actions.

Recently, I posted about my narcissistic mother’s fake concern, get well card & cookies for my (also narcissistic) mother in-law, even though she knows perfectly well that I haven’t spoken to the woman since 2002 due to her abusive ways.  (I posted about that here).  This betrayal by my mother & her flaunting it in my face hurt me more than it usually does when she feigns concern for…

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