Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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After attempting to explain my needs in counselling, the next session went well :)

I am not good at explaining my needs to other people. I hate conflict and will do anything during verbal interactions/conversations with people, to avoid conflict.

Now I am having to voice my needs and I’m aware, my doctor/counsellor is not a mind reader, so I ‘have’ to start explaining what I need. And what I am not okay with.

So I have been voicing this over the last month, and was concerned my voice would not be heard. That if I say anything different to what she believes, I will just automatically be seen as wrong. Part of this is because I do feel intimidated by her, as she is someone who is considered by many to be highly professional, very experienced and is often abroad working, and in demand for speaking events etc. I did say, I feel intimidated by her.

And another part is because I do see people with the ‘church people’ agenda, of just showing compassion to abusers, not being allowed to be angry with them, and just show some cheap grace and put the onus on the victims to get over it, forgive and let them carry on being abusers.

To be very fair – she listened and she did speak about some of the things I have not heard. How what abusive people do, is horrific, is evil and is not in any way my fault and yes they do know what they are doing is wrong. Continue reading

Doing good with keeping myself focussed on ‘nice’ stuff. Made a skirt :)


I love creative stuff and I know it is good for the brain. I tidied up the mess that was all over my sewing table…….you couldn’t actually see the table it was that messy…

Then sewed a pretty straight forward elasticated waisted skirt.

Simple straight forward, easy…one hour, job done. Material I have chosen that I like and will enjoy wearing.

I’ve also had a swim, watered my flowers in the fairy garden, dead headed them, and posted some stuff online that will hopefully help a few people. And had a giggle with a few people too 😀

My husband said to me when he saw the skirt “is there anything you cannot do!?”… which was nice of him to say. I replied “yes, be quiet, not talk too much and be a cop, they are 3 of your skills, and definitely are not mine” lol! 😉

But, I have my skills too and I’m glad they are creative ones.

I love days like today 🙂

Not taking other people’s hurt and anger…….personally.

Received a ‘delightful’ angry rant on this blog from someone clearly just looking for a way to attack and project her own anger and hurt.

I am definitely healing when I can hear the anger and hurt in someone and know it is their issues they are projecting onto me and it is actually nothing to do with me.

And reflect on what has been said for any validity, respond calmly, and appropriately, realising this person really needs help. As most people do. As I do and I fully admit I need counselling and continue to.

And this alone, shows my healing, my capacity to no longer react back out of hurt or cry and be emotional.

I don’t take other people’s issues personally anymore. I now choose not to be hurt, by other people’s own hurt and not to react back, choose self control, feel what is happening for the other person, beyond their anger at me. 

In the past I would have been hurt and in tears.

The more I know about psychology and human behaviour, the easier it is realise what is going on.

And the easier and more peaceful my life becomes.

The psychological mess…….of the Kardashian family….all due to narcissism.

I was thankful my insight into the Kardashian family, was validated in counselling.

The very obvious narcissistic mother Kris, pimped out her children young, persuading Kim to do her first nude photo shoot for Playboy, which Kim didn’t even want to do.

But Kris knew it was a money/fame making decision.  Kris has been pimping out her kids ever since.

Kris has psychologically screwed up her entire family, and the fact that she openly talks about Kim being her favourite child, is abuse, plus her obvious feigned love for anyone, bar herself. I could list many more of her obvious narcissistic traits.

 I don’t hate or even dislike the Kardashian girls, I do dislike Kris.

Sadly, I see Kim heading the same way as to how her daughter is already being ‘used’ as a fashion victim accessory – the ‘pimping out’ already beginning.

I can see how messed up they all are and their behaviours, their image needy, fame needy, materialistic, money, fashion needy, shallow issues, are all due to their upbringing.

However, they are all now grown adults, and it is their own issues to not see what they do is wrong and unhealthy. But, I doubt they will ever see their own issues, narcissistic people rarely do.

My use of the word ‘pimped out’ – was validated as absolutely correct.

Anyone who thinks they are healthy people and what they do is okay, are very unhealthy themselves.

I worked out all the above for myself, because human behaviour discernment, is a skill of mine.

Upon researching this morning, I find I am not the only person by far, who has the same discernment.



The ego isn’t trying to ‘see’ something, the ego is trying to ‘be’ something.

This is why society loves labels……..amazing, incredible, awesome, survivor, trail blazer, author……….etc. All labels I have been given by others and some I have applied to myself in the past.

Labels, are about ego and insecurity and conforming the society’s immaturity.

Inner security, doesn’t need labels. And labels rarely describe who we really are – the whole of who we are.

Many labels are grandiose statements, because you know…….awesome, incredible, I am not. I am not deluded or deceived by this societal need to be grandiose, to encourage ego.

I am someone who always wants to ‘keep it real’.

This has been part of my healing, growth, to know this.

It was a while before I could get my head around this, I stamped my feet and pouted about this for a while……but, I got there.

Takes insight and honesty, and humility, and a willingness to grow, to understand this.


I am really starting to warm to the Pope, and really interested in his ideas and vision.

I think the Pope, is doing an amazing job of much of what I see reported in the media about his work, his bringing people together, how he is tackling paedophilia in the church, his visions on world peace and much more.

I realise he is ruffling the feathers of those hard line, conservative, right wing Christians, and GOOD. They need their feathers ruffling, they can be very abusive and hurt many and present a very WRONG image of God to the world, and that bothers me.

Where as, the Pope is really attempting to do what is needed and I am really interested in his goals, his vision, his heart and what his thoughts are about God, about what Jesus modelled for us.

I am going to pray for the Pope regularly, not that my prayers will make any significant difference, but just to join with his heart and what he is trying to achieve.

I focus a lot on what the abusive church people do………I do want to focus more on what the decent church people, who do know Jesus, the real Christians, are doing.