I’m aware through my own experiences in life, that it is human nature with many, to always assume a victim of abuse, is potentially lying, or exaggerating.
And protect the accused abuser. I’ve endured with repeatedly.
The most recent was about abuse from a church minister. As I have blogged, everyone chose to believe what they ‘wanted‘ to believe.
Even my own doctor/counsellor used the words about the abuse that occurred that the narc minister and I were ‘seeking comfort in each other’. They were her exact words at the beginning, and I remember them very clearly. It was an assumption she made, that was wrong. Very wrong. It minimized completely what he was doing and his intentions. and what happened to me.
But, it was what her Christian conditioning, makes her need to believe this. And it is why perpetrator protecting occurs so much in churches.
After the mediation where it became far more clear to the professional people as to the darkness within him and his wife, and then the corrupt in-house investigation – where even she was lied about, I think she realised, I was in fact – telling the truth.
So, it shows that everyone can make assumptions, and they are nearly always invalidating and further abuse, about victims of abuse. This did add to my lack of trust in her and something else I should no doubt raise, as she has told me to raise anything that causes issues between us.
And not only did she not believe me when I was telling the truth from the start, but everyone else concerned, chose to not believe me.
I learned a huge lesson from this…
All this ever does – is aid, enable and help abusive people and allow them to continue.
And it further hurts, invalidates and abuses the victims more.
This particular abuser, has been promoted, another big issue within churches. I have been told this is a very unwise decision by the Baptist Church. But, I am not stupid, this is church – all denomination wide issue..
And this is exactly why so much abuse goes on within Churches and everywhere and one reason why abuse is increasing.
Is it any wonder, I don’t trust church people? Any of them.
I don’t even trust my own Christian counsellor/doctor, to deal with abuse appropriately. I’ve seen her make wrong assumptions. And her husband is an elder at the church they belong to. I wonder if any abuse victims have been treated like me, at that church?
As I have stated before….not being believed, twists the knife in the already deeply painful wound.
And most do not care about that………….they only care about not making mistakes in dealing with the accused abuser.
But never about not making mistakes in dealing with the victim.
So we get fucked emotionally, all the more. And then told, it is our issue to deal with. Like I have been told. It’s ‘my fault’ because I was abused as a child, so gravitate towards people who will abuse me more. So, in some way, that lets ‘them’ off the hook.
I believe a potential victim of abuse,
should be believed.
100%. Always. From the START.
Because, they will have endured enough, already.
And as per research, over 96 % of those who make accusations of abuse, are telling the truth.
Whereas, no doubt 96 % of abusers, lie about it.
Yet, in not believing victims of abuse when they speak up about it, means they are all failed and hurt more and that is NOT okay.
And, I will not attend any church, and have anyone tell me differently.