Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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When life becomes so absurd….you just start laughing at everything….

This appears to be where I am right now……..so completely overwhelmed with so much to have deeply negative emotions about….that I am now just laughing and giggling at everything…..

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Either I am now using humour and amusement at the bizarreness of my life – as a new coping strategy……..or I am descending into insanity…

🙂


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When the lush green grass on the other side of the fence….turns into brown, dried up old mess…lol!

I like to view life through analogy’s……they help to visualise issues and how to view them…..such a typical INFP personality type…

So, whilst discussing how I feel my husband views our marriage sometimes……when I look back to the start……he really did view me as the ‘grass was greener on the other side’….

green

I worked, had a career, was independent, good in the sack, prettier and thinner than his wife etc….all ‘greener grass’…and he felt he deserved better than he currently had….so left his wife (not at my request), and wanted to be with me…

My Dr/Counsellor could see where I was going with this analogy and finished off my sentence for me, by describing what the reality of what he has now – for various reasons as me being….

‘Brown, dried up grass’.

green brown

It was harsher than how I was going to describe myself, but good to know where she thinks I’m at!!! Although I’m hoping she meant this is how my husband may now see the situation…in terms of that list…

I have to laugh and have been giggling at this ever since.

mic

Thanks a bunch Dr/Counsellor for describing me this way lol! 😉

That’s a lovely visual I have in my head now…lol!

I think it’s a good thing I am laughing at everything at the moment…….coz it sure isn’t the most flattering analogy of me.. !!!

😀


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Dealing with conflict externally and internally…

I have been dealing with other people’s issues, my entire life. And I see as a result, this has taught me a great deal in life about humanity, myself, people, sin, abuse, personalities, psychology, cognitive distortions…etc.

I have a lot of internal and external processing go on right now.

I can see what I am learning through this…. how to deal with other people’s issues, which are triggering and hurtful……in a more appropriate way….without fear and triggers taking over…..without enabling the behaviour or tip toeing around anyone, and also trying to be mindful of everyone’s needs, meeting everyone where they are at….have healthy boundaries….protect my children…protect myself….but be fair throughout it all…..

And it is not easy.

I am very aware, love – is loving someone for who they are now…..not what you want them to be. And accepting people can be in different places, emotionally, spiritually etc and that’s okay, even if you don’t get many of your needs met. And that people only love others, to the capacity they are capable of and their depth of love – reflects greatly on their own personality types and emotional capacity, and is not a reflection of me.

But, also not just tolerating and enabling poor, disrespectful, hurtful, nasty behaviour and having my voice heard too. Continue reading