Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Dealing with conflict externally and internally…

3 Comments

I have been dealing with other people’s issues, my entire life. And I see as a result, this has taught me a great deal in life about humanity, myself, people, sin, abuse, personalities, psychology, cognitive distortions…etc.

I have a lot of internal and external processing go on right now.

I can see what I am learning through this…. how to deal with other people’s issues, which are triggering and hurtful……in a more appropriate way….without fear and triggers taking over…..without enabling the behaviour or tip toeing around anyone, and also trying to be mindful of everyone’s needs, meeting everyone where they are at….have healthy boundaries….protect my children…protect myself….but be fair throughout it all…..

And it is not easy.

I am very aware, love – is loving someone for who they are now…..not what you want them to be. And accepting people can be in different places, emotionally, spiritually etc and that’s okay, even if you don’t get many of your needs met. And that people only love others, to the capacity they are capable of and their depth of love – reflects greatly on their own personality types and emotional capacity, and is not a reflection of me.

But, also not just tolerating and enabling poor, disrespectful, hurtful, nasty behaviour and having my voice heard too.

I am reaching out and taking advice in counselling and trying to manage emotions, fears. etc.

I am emotionally – and as a result physically – exhausted today.

I’m at the point of having so much emotional stuff to deal with now……..that I am finding anything remotely funny…really funny and using humour as a coping strategy….

I’m at that point where if I don’t laugh, I will just cry and I won’t stop.

And trying hard to keep this in perspective.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “Dealing with conflict externally and internally…

  1. Sweetie, biting your lip hurts too much. ..
    You might ONLY strive to have relationships in your life that offer you nurture somehow…anyone else…fuck em. Life is too short. Hugs. Big hugs.

    • Thank you ❤

      I'm aware I have always looked in the wrong places for people to nurture me and ended up being the one that needs to nurture them and be like a parent to them.

      It's also probably linked to my childhood, where I was affectively a parent to my siblings and my mother. I've always been drawn to people who can't offer me emotionally – what I need.

      I've spent a lot of my life surrounded by people, who are emotionally immature.

      • You’ll get there. You’re getting there. These things weren’t cultivated in us overnight, and we can’t expect to be rid of them so quickly either. Keep up the progress, you’re inspiring. ♡