I am done with my life.
I am over presuming it can get better.
I am done with assuming I will ever be able to trust anyone.
I am done with assuming anyone cares, when I know they don’t.
I am done with feeling so alone.
I am done with fearing what other people are doing.
I am done with getting hurt.
I am done with feeling such intense emotional pain.
I am done with this being invalidated, minimized.
And then there’s my children, who I love dearly.
They are my only reason, to have to keep going.
Although maybe they would be better off, if I didn’t.
I am overwhelmed, I know and I recognise that. Swinging between numb, and intense emotions, intrusive memories. Various reasons.
I can’t face counselling, even though that is where it will be assumed I should be.
There is nothing I can be told that I don’t already know.
I know I shut down, for a reason, to protect myself.
I need to be alone and just survive when I feel like this, avoid anyone who may say something that will hurt, avoid any minimizing/invalidating of what I am enduring, avoid people who don’t know this journey, avoid anything that is likely to make it worse.
Just be alone, until this passes.
And hope it does pass.