Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Society is hopeful….stupid, but hopeful…..and that’s how many can make their $$$$$

I have noticed how the bigger some people’s ego’s, the more books they sell.

The self help, new age self professed guru’s, being the masters of this. They tell everyone enough of what they want to hear, to suck people in and then can sell their books and stuff…

People are hopeful this will be the way, they will be healed, will be happier…

These guru’s often develop these mini cult followings. I had dealings with such people today. And one these cult-like followers, was literally hero worshipping this ‘guru’. He had this guy up on a pedestal and this man was his god. I had challenged his ‘god’ and wow – the responses. Bizarre.

And these new age self professed guru’s, have huge ego’s….that often become revealed, especially when you challenge them. They don’t like challenge…….it might affect their business…..their $$$$ making…..so my comments got hidden…..funny that eh… It’s okay though, there were many other ego boosting comments the guru could concentrate on…

Plus they are very much…’I healed this way, I am happy this way….my way is the only way….and everyone who doesn’t follow my journey and do it my way….is choosing to be a victim, or choosing to remain a victim’. Wow.

I realise that in this ego needy society, that praises ego, I would not be a big seller.

My messages wouldn’t be the big seller….

‘I don’t know it all, or how you should heal’

‘I don’t have all the answers, or all the solutions to how you will completely heal’

‘Please don’t put me on a pedestal, because I can guarantee you, I will fall off it’

‘No I am not awesome, incredible, amazing etc…and nor is anyone else’ Continue reading


Flooded the bathroom, water pouring through the light in the room below.

Forgot I was running the bath for my son, water ended up flooding the bathroom, all pouring down through the floor, and pouring out the light fitting, in the laundry underneath. Water everywhere.

Phoned my husband who was in work, let him know the electrics were affected and the circuit the lights are on, had tripped out and water was pouring through the light. In tears on the phone, struggling to talk due to anxiety. He says he told another boss he was with, about my PTSD, what caused it and that I was distressed and had flooded the bathroom and downstairs room.

I think everyone he works with, now knows I have mental health problems and I can’t cope. Turns out though, this boss also has had PTSD issues following a shooting incident he was in, so was very kind about me, and told my husband to go home to sort out the flooding and because I was distressed. So, that’s two of his bosses who have some understanding of what I am enduring. And I’m thankful he told my husband to go home. Continue reading

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No-one is an expert on trauma and PTSD….even if they think they are…


This is the reality.

Not even the experts, have it all figured out, or a cure for PTSD.

So, anyone who thinks they are an expert…….needs to be reminded of this.

It is why I understand more and more why we are all affected by severe trauma and all deal with severe trauma, differently.

I’m not an expert, and neither are the experts….yet.


No-one chooses to be a victim, or chooses to remain a victim. Stop this victim shaming.


People will make all sorts of judgments and assumptions about people, all usually self serving, or due to lack of insight and feeling entitled to make a judgment about something they don’t personally know, or because they want to consider their own journey is the only way.

I have empathy to know, no-one chooses to be a victim, or chooses to remain a victim. And I don’t have the ego, to make such judgments about people.

My own journey has taught me much, a lot about other people’s opinions and views and what the heart and reason is for their opinion.

People talk about having compassion, empathy etc, yet often show to me, they don’t. Not to level they think or wish to believe, or their ego wishes to believe.

Often this is not malicious at all, but it still hurts other people.

Victims of abuse, are shamed and blamed in so many ways, and I see it.

I see how I have done this myself in the past and I have great remorse for that.

I see my own journey has changed me greatly.

I see from knowing my own issues about judgment, and my own wrong opinions of others, that I see this in many others.

I can only put my view out there, and hope it helps someone. But, with the wisdom to understand, most will cling onto their own beliefs.

My beliefs have changed greatly, because I have a deep yearning to grow, learn and be changed, even if that means having to accept how wrong I can be, how my own views have been hurtful and caused harm.

I just want more people to do the same……..and stop hurting abuse victims more.


If I go away by myself, I can’t guarantee I would return.

I told my husband I wanted to go away by myself, but within the conversation about that, I also had to admit I could not guarantee I would return. I can’t. I know my state of mind is overwhelmed, hopeless, and I know where that can lead.

I need to be alone, but I accept it wouldn’t necessarily be safe for me to be alone.

So, my husband doesn’t want me to go away and instead wants us to book a week away in January when he has time off.

I understand he thinks that is good for all of us.


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I’m going away for a week on my own.

I’m telling my husband later, I am going away for a week. I need to be on my own.

He’ll have to take time off work, and I really don’t care.

I can’t go on the way I am.

I need some complete peace, away from everyone, people, opinions, expectations, demands, voices, and everyone else’s needs.

I need space away from what life demands of me, to think and figure out what the hell I am doing.

I need to be where I am free of everything.