Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Society, really does not get the basis of shame…..or ego…..or wisdom.

I read a post by one of these popular ‘positive thinking, happiness is everything’ type authors…

He basically ‘told’ someone they should be able to turn a negative experience, into a positive one….because of course, that’s what ‘he’ has done.

My reply….

“Actually – some people don’t have the same capacity to cope and turn more traumatic experiences into something positive. And then they are shamed further by those who say they can and demand we all should be able to.

We live in a shame driven society, where success and being positive and happy is considered to be being strong and anything else, is weakness. We need to be very careful what we expect/demand of others, when that is simply our own ego talking.

‘Telling’ someone they have a choice, is not wise, or necessarily their own capacity, or reality – it is only ‘your’ own projection of ‘your’ capacity onto them, and could well shame them further.”

A lot of people don’t understand this………they simply believe if they and others can do XYZ and be happy…….then everyone should be able to.

Which is BS.

Yes, people can try…….but everyone’s capacity to cope…….their support…….their current stress levels……their environment……and many other factors, will all affect their ability to turn negative and traumatic experiences, into something positive and achieve happiness and positive thinking.

But, it takes real wisdom, insight, and empathy…….to understand this.

Which many fail to have.

It’s their way……..or the highway.

As per their ego.


Poem – You Made Your Bed, Now Lie In It ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Poem – You Made Your Bed, Now Lie In It ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Is this my life

Trapped, until I die?

No peace, no love

But many lies


Is this my lot

This lonely, dark pit?

Yes, you made your bed

Now lie in it


But I need love

Security and trust

Tough, this is it

Accept it, you must


Tip toe around

Don’t voice your needs

Think of everyone else

Only their needs, to feed


But my needs never mattered

And they don’t, still?

No, you made your choices

It was your free will


But, I’ve only recently

Processed it all

I was harming myself

Still am, I bawl


Tough luck, too late

Choices were made

You will have to suffer

Alone, unloved, afraid


You worked it out too late

Your fate is sealed

Continued harm

Abusers’ internalised yield


So, I have no choice

I sob, this is it?

Yes, you made your bed

And you WILL lie in it.


~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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PTSD re-experiencing nightmares, don’t end when you wake up ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I am writing this blog, to explain and validate why PTSD nightmares often don’t end when you wake up.

I am sure there are lots of people, who think that nightmares aren’t that bad right? After all, once you wake up, it’s finished yeah…. 

Well, that is absolutely not case for many of us.

I have nightmares about severe trauma/abuse and when I am stressed out, emotional, the nightmares always increase.

Nightmares usually result in me waking up, terrified, massive anxiety, often crying, disorientated, and I have to do grounding and breathing techniques, to calm and soothe myself.

(You can find these on my Website @ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/ )

I usually put the light, or the TV on and it will take time before I am calmer and not distressed.

Sometimes they are so bad, I dissociate when I wake up and I really don’t know how long it takes for me to get myself back to state of being able to have self talk and ground etc. The dissociation is like my brain saying ‘this is way too painful’ and switching off.

These severe nightmares, always worsen my other PTSD symptoms the next day too.

I will have the nightmare, replaying in unwanted, involuntary intrusive thoughts/memories, and other unwanted memories coming into my mind throughout the day.

The anxiety, noise sensitivity, irritability, emotion dysregulation, capacity to cope and function-  all worsens and my mood will be lowering, or unstable all the next day. I also can tell I have an irrational sense of fear, but only irrational because the nightmare is the past and not happening now…..

But my mind isn’t wired that way…..my PTSD mind acts like it is happening now. And all my physical, emotional and psychological responses to trauma, occur now, as if the trauma is occurring right now.

That’s what PTSD is……..your mind and body reacting to trauma, as if it is happening now.

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I try to focus on the good I have in my life.

Today, is a bad day. Horrific nightmares last night. The type that stay with me, all the next day. Had to tell my husband to take the boys out, because by 9am, I was already completely overwhelmed. So, he is out at the movies and taking them for something to eat, as a treat.

At times like this, when I have this amount of emotional and psychological pain, I wish I could just curl up and die.

But, I am trying hard to remember all I have in my life now, that somehow must make life worth living and pray for the strength to endure it.

My children, my home, the things I have around me that make to smile, I am trying hard to focus on.



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A post to my page…..why we need to be kind and sensitive, when commenting.

I realise my own journey, is deepening my own compassion and empathy for others.

As my page will have traumatised people feeling suicidal, I wanted to remind people of the importance of being kind and sensitive when commenting.

❤ What we should all consider, when posting, commenting, on a page that deals with trauma, severe abuse etc ❤ 

I think it would be helpful for all to remember, that anyone here, could be feeling very low and suicidal.

I myself have been suicidal in the last 12 months, several times.

Feeling suicidal is a very real and common reality, after trauma, abuse and when dealing with PTSD, Complex PTSD, Depression, Bipolar and a range of other mental health disorders.

People often reach out on pages, seeking support, because they may not have much family support, may not have access to therapy etc.

People do reach out on pages because they are feeling so low and seeking a connection, a group that may understand how it feels to be this low.

I feel it would be a really empathic and compassionate way of approaching our responses to others, to keep in mind we don’t know the state of someone’s mind, and to be as kind as possible.

No-one here would want to make someone feel worse (and if they do, they can get lost)….so we all have a collective aim to be sensitive, careful and mindful of the needs of others, and not just our own needs and remember we don’t know the details of each others lives/trauma’s.

Be sensitive in the way we comment, respond etc, as most of us do.

Increasing in empathy, compassion and thinking of the needs of others, as well as our own, are wonderful virtues, we can all be mindful of having and maintaining.

Much love for all, Lilly ❤

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Too many men have enjoyed hurting me & seeing me cry.

Warning, this video is about rape & men enjoying hurting women.

It is a fact that some men, like seeing women cry. It turns them on. They like hurting women. In the worst ways.

Yes, video’s like this, are not nice, but the reality of life, is not something I can ignore.

Because I have been there.

Many times.

I’ve been dealing with men hurting me and them enjoying it, since childhood.

I don’t live a positive illusion of life and how wonderful it all is.

Life can be very cruel and people can be very cruel.


With your big eyes……..and your big lies…

Had terrifying nightmare last night. Nightmares always increase when I am dealing with more stress than I can handle. And these really horrific ones, always stay in my mind all the next day, in a completely involuntary way. Just to torture me some more.

I nearly always turn to Lana’s music when I am struggling.

Music has always been a coping strategy for me.

Music always understands, soothes, helps me deal with my emotions.

Music is always there.

Unlike people.