I realise with current issues and stress, piled on top of all the painful trauma and realisations I have still yet fully dealt with about my past….plus all I have endured for the last few years….I am at a point of completely having given up on any form of relationships with people in person. Over the internet, is all I even wish to consider.
I’m not advocating for this……..I know many believe we heal within relationships with others……but I am completely done with trying. And I don’t care what people think about this. We are all different and no set way works for all.
I am more and more disconnected from life outside of my home. I have absolutely no desire to engage or connect with people in person. All my focusses now, are ones I can do alone, within my own little world and inner world I now dwell in. I am increasingly withdrawn. Internet communication, is my only way of connecting with others. And I accept this. It is what I need to cope. To manage all I endure…….without ending up in hospital, or worse.
I need to look after myself to stay safe & capable of being a mother……more than I need to be dealing with other people and their issues, beyond the internet friendships I have. And for the foreseeable future, this is how it will remain, this is where I feel safe.