My disconnection from life outside of my home and inner world……is my safety.

I realise with current issues and stress, piled on top of all the painful trauma and realisations I have still yet fully dealt with about my past….plus all I have endured for the last few years….I am at a point of completely having given up on any form of relationships with people in person. Over the internet, is all I even wish to consider.

I’m not advocating for this……..I know many believe we heal within relationships with others……but I am completely done with trying. And I don’t care what people think about this. We are all different and no set way works for all.

I am more and more disconnected from life outside of my home. I have absolutely no desire to engage or connect with people in person. All my focusses now, are ones I can do alone, within my own little world and inner world I now dwell in. I am increasingly withdrawn. Internet communication, is my only way of connecting with others. And I accept this. It is what I need to cope. To manage all I endure…….without ending up in hospital, or worse.

I need to look after myself to stay safe & capable of being a mother……more than I need to be dealing with other people and their issues, beyond the internet friendships I have. And for the foreseeable future, this is how it will remain, this is where I feel safe.

I am very thankful to be able to share in a way that truly helps people.

A few comments to my community page in the last few days, which show the posts and sharing, helps people to understand themselves better, helps educate people….which is needed in this journey. Otherwise we continue to be confused and don’t understand how to progress forward. I have learned a lot and share that, because it is needed info and validation for others.

“Your page is great, you provide a lot of encouragement to others, I hope you have people supporting you too.”

“You are a real inspiration and I hope that you are proud of the wonderful things you achieve with this page and your others. I have learnt a lot from your pages too. Now to get my family to read some of the things you post…

“Awesome read Lilly, and a reminder for me. I am tending to so many things. I do need to take more time and find a hobby or two.”

“BINGO!”

“And thank you for the support. It has help my situation in more ways than one.”

“I love all that you share, this has been a life line someday for me..keep all the great work you do going…🙂 “

“You and this group have helped me more than anything or anyone! Thank you!”

“It really is Lilly!! But you give me hope that one day I will have a voice and will be heard!! I started my inner child healing therapy with a counsellor two weeks ago thanks to your wisdom and experience…..first step – Boundaries. That will be a hard thing for some of my family to get their heads around, but I;m going to set safe ones for me whether they like it or not!”

My community page is @ https://www.facebook.com/HealingFromComplexTraumaAndPTSDAndCPTSD

Encouraging people to stay in relationships with narcissists/sociopaths, is not godly.

I have come to realise that often people who claim they need to stay in relationships with narcissistic/sociopathic people, are often unknowingly committing emotional self harm, but they can’t see this and will rationalise their own beliefs, any way they can.

I have needed the deep self honesty and courage to deal with my own emotional self harming behaviours, and it was very painful to deal with, so I see many are not at that stage, and some won’t ever be.

Often it is fear related, as dealing with the end of relationships, can feel too scary. Shame comes into play as well, as we have been trained to accept we should be harmed. Often these people will promote what they are doing as okay, because it justifies their behaviours to tell others they should consider doing the same.

For some ‘it’s better the harm you know, than the fear of the unknown’.

Sometimes it can be a form of being a martyr, often due to religious beliefs, which is actually narcissism in itself. Of course, that martyr, will not accept that and many narcs are actually martyrs. I know a pastors wife, who fits the criteria of a martyr narc perfectly, so I’ve seen it happen. But like with all narcs, they won’t admit that. Too shameful. And it makes them ‘feel good’ to be this poor martyr. That is not godly at all.

I do not believe that God

wants us to continue being harmed,

or our healing being harmed,

and to promote that as okay, is unwise.

But, often it is purely a form of self harm, that the person does not realise and will continue perpetuating, which is really sad.

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I will add here too….

If the relationship is a marriage, the abusive person broke the marriage vows, not the victim of the abuse.

If this is a parent relationship, we do not in fact need to ‘honour they abusive father and mother’, by staying in their life, continuing to get hurt.

These are just further abuse, spiritual abuse and emotional/psychological abuse perpetuated by too many unwise people who call themselves Christians.

We are not expected to be martyrs and continue being harmed. Or perpetuate self harm to ourselves.

And no God will not punish us and send us to hell……should we cut ties/contact with these relatives.

Okay, I am the asshole who won’t tell you what you ‘want’ to hear…

This poster made me laugh!!!

I can see that being someone who doesn’t think it is wise to tell people BS that they want to hear…is good…..but won’t always be well received…

I know this, because I see it in myself too……….I have pouted about stuff I have heard about myself…..until I understood why I needed to accept this and with a mature view.

I also think this poster highlights, how we need to be careful what ‘truths’ we tell people, and when…..as being truthful knowing it will cause hurt……..is not okay. Sometimes we need to stay silent, or speak in a way that is still truthful, but sensitively and carefully, so not to cause harm.

Otherwise, we are in fact….assholes!

Things to continue doing as part of my ongoing therapy and self care.

My fairy garden, is continually expanding and I love it 🙂

Now focussing on another area of my yard, that needs some attention to continue my recent love of gardening, with more pots, flowers and have some trailing plants grow up some trellis on our ugly shed.

Plus some further decorating in my home and my sewing, craft.

Have some plans for it all, for 2015 🙂

I’ve decided these activities that create some happiness, are part of my ongoing therapy, mindfulness and self care and to view the costs, as therapy costs and not to feel guilty about it.

We all need hobbies and interests that create happiness, and help us deal with painful stuff.

I accept this journey will mean my emotions and mood, continually cycle around as I deal with painful memories, further realisations, ongoing grieving…….and I accept this is needed and will happen whether I like it or not.

I can’t be happy all the time, I have too much psychological pain occurring and to just keep trying to focus on nice things, humour, fun and my gardening, decorating, craft stuff – when I can – and accept my deep pain when I feel that too.

My life is what it is and there is nothing else I can do except accept it and deal with it a day at a time.

And also remember how blessed I am that I can have these activities and hobbies. And not take them for granted in a world, where millions don’t even have a home, or enough food, or any healthcare etc.

Try to keep focussing on putting things into perspective, without invalidating my journey either.