I do understand victims of abuse, can have thoughts of vengeance and wanting their abusers to feel the pain they inflicted on others and love to think they will ‘get their karma’. I know this is in the diagnostic criterion for PTSD and Complex PTSD to have thoughts of vengeance etc…..but I personally don’t have this.
I have anger, hurt, betrayal, grieving and all the needed and healthy emotions regarding abuse and grieving. But, I don’t have thoughts of vengeance, or hatred, or bitterness etc. And I have this validated as being far more healthy.
My mind, is not wired in such a way that thinking of harm being caused to anyone, is good/okay/needed or to gain pleasure fro that. And I realise, I am in the minority with this when it comes to hurt people.
I am also not one of those limp ‘we must never feel angry and just feel love and compassion and grace and mercy, but not be angry, and we must get over it quickly, and forgive it all quickly, or we are in the wrong, we are the bad people. This view, is BS, not mature and actually abusive too.
The healthy view, is in the middle of this continuum.
No negative emotions……………….. **** healthy emotions **** …………….Intense hatred, vengeance.
Suppressing anger, betrayal, hurt etc, ……is not healthy and does not lead to healing.
Feeling intense hatred, continual thoughts of vengeance, and being very bitter and this continuing on and on……..is not healthy and does not lead to healing.
Trying to explain this on my community page, leads to a lot of upset, so I feel this is a subject I will stay away from. Because I don’t want these extreme views encouraged, and I don’t want to tell people their thinking is not healthy either, because it will hurt them, and I don’t want to do that. And it’s not my role to tell them. They need specialised trauma focussed therapy. Not some chick on the internet trying to explain this.
I am re-evaluating what I am going to post on my community page from now on, because I need to stay away from topics that are difficult to manage, because I am not trained to manage that.
And because I am also not needing to have people get angry with me and project their anger and hurt at me either.
I talked in counselling about this today and was thankful to hear that my views and thoughts are healthy and my capacity to think and process and reflect on my own stuff and be honest – is not common.
But, that I also need to have more discernment as to what I post, what I comment about and discern more about the people I am communicating with. Bitter, angry people, will only ever react badly to what they don’t want to hear and vent that at me.
And I thought I was doing a lot better and not being affected by other people’s views and comments about me, but I was wrong. People can be very nasty and hurtful and speak from a completely unhealthy state, when confronted with what they don’t want to hear. And I need not consider this my role to deal with this, no matter whether I think it would help them.