Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Anxiety about counselling tomorrow.

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I have questions that I have to ask……but I am not certain I am going to like the answers.

And I will be very vigilant as to body language, tone of voice and facial cues etc…..as to the reactions.

There is a part of me that wants to not ‘go there’. But, regardless of those reasons……..I have to know.

If my counselling is heading down certain paths – the views other ‘Christians’ have – I will be quitting.

And me being me, I have to be prepared for the outcomes………because when I’m not, it makes it far harder to cope with. I’ve tried assuming good outcomes will occur, in the past……and they didn’t.

People have really weird views about abuse, people who abuse and how to deal with all that………and I know church people can be worse than secular society….on dealing with it wisely.

And quite frankly, I am sick of my suffering being minimized and invalidated with terms used to describe the horror of what people did to me as ‘behaviours’ and having this constant belief pushed on me that I am to view people who ‘make choices’ to do horrific things to others…..as nice people really, who just sometimes have ‘bad behaviours’.

I know that makes life so comfortable and easy for some.

I see that people become very de-sensitised to the horror of abuse.

I know people will have their own personal reasons why they ‘need’ to view people a certain way.

But, I’m not them.

And none of that is about ‘my’ needs.

And I do see it all very clearly and just how horrific it is…….and I am not minimizing my suffering and what I know about the people who caused it……..to suit others.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

One thought on “Anxiety about counselling tomorrow.

  1. Good luck tomorrow….hope things go well.