I read several times, about this visualisation of giving abusers back their shame, they inflicted on me, that was never mine to feel or own.
But, due to the way I am led to not speak badly of those who abused me, and shame having not yet been discussed, I have no idea whether this would be considered to be a healthy view….
I am so confused about what I am supposed to think, with all the conflicting messages and views that people have, that I have no idea really, what is the needed view.
I know I am really over the suffering I have endured, being minimized and invalidated. And I’ve said so.
Abusers do indeed inflict their victims with much shame. They blame, say you deserve it, need it, don’t allow you your emotions, hurt, pain. Tell you anything they can, to make themselves look like they do no wrong, and pass all the blame, shame and guilt……onto their victims.
I even got called demonic by a church minister and you cannot be more vile in shaming your victim, than that.
Every single person who has hurt me, has never owned it, never apologised, never felt any remorse, and blamed/shamed me.
It is very painful and leaves deep wounds………wounds that never heal and feel like they are opened back up and re-infected very easily. And often.
I’m aware that child sexual abuse, can leave the deepest wounds of shame, especially when your own mother didn’t care when she was told and treated you badly…….the shame being carved deeper and deeper.
Am I supposed to mentally give back the shame of all the abuse…….to all the abusers?
I don’t know.
I have no fucking idea what I’m supposed to think anymore. Continue reading