Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Alcohol…….is my milk.


I’ve been drinking alcohol since I was 13/14 years old. And I’ve had issues with it since then.

It is a significant factor in my life, particularly with regard to sex. It is very common for child sexual abuse survivors, to have alcohol and intimacy issues ~ both physically, psychologically and emotionally. And they can be very different for everyone and fluctuate between different abuse related issues, many endure. Often creating deep levels of shame.

I’ve drunk a lot of alcohol in my life, and I’ve had a lot of sex in my life, and the two go together in my mind…….’like milk with coffee’.

Yes, you can drink coffee without milk and many do, but it is very bitter……in my experience. And that bitterness, I do not wish to repeat.

I do not like and cannot drink coffee ~ without milk. The milk makes it far easier to drink. And I like my coffee, made with milk, not water and splash of milk.

And I am addicted to coffee….I know that.

And I am addicted to coffee, made with milk.

For me, there is no other way I can emotionally, physically and psychologically, ‘drink coffee’.

And everyone, past and present has always been very happy to supply my ‘milk’.

So they too, can enjoy their ‘coffee’.

And I accept, that won’t change. And the reasons why.

Another one of those incredibly difficult issues, I have had to face, that makes my life, continue, to be very difficult.

I am glad I posted this onto my community page, because it did help other to know they are not alone in this. And that the use of metaphors, can help, even within counselling.

Someone stated they nearly cried reading this blog post, because it is such a difficult subject and one that would be easier not faced at all and that to be alone and not in a relationship, would make life so much easier. And I agree. It would. But, that is not an option for me, or for many.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “Alcohol…….is my milk.

  1. I am a better root drunk to my husband apparently. I also smoke pot to help ease other thoughts when having sex. I don’t like it like others do.

    • I understand. I don’t actually associate sex with love, so that complicates matters. I think my issues are very deeply associated with re-enactment stuff too, which I still have not got my head around and don’t really want to have to deal with.

      It is physically painful for me to have sex when I haven’t had enough alcohol. That pain, sets off flashbacks, and that is then the end of that. And because that has happened, and I get pain when having to have pap smears – which is why I am about 7 years overdue one….and so the anxiety at the thought of no alcohol, is too great.

      If I wasn’t married, I would just abstain, completely.