Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

My life has been preparing me for & teaching me since I was born ~ to reach out to and help others.

As I was just updating my Website, feeling how wonderful it is to be able to add books, resources and an organisation I am now partnering with…..

I had this thought come into my head……..

It really is my passion, my calling and what my life has been preparing me for, and teaching me…..since I was born…..to reach out to and help others.

I don’t believe for one second God wanted me to endure any of what I have endured. That would not be love and God is pure perfect love. He doesn’t ‘want’ any of us to suffer, but believes in free will and does not interfere in that….which is the reason for suffering.

But, He will ensure those who desire to love Him, and want to be transformed, will. It is those who truly wish to be transformed, He can and will use……and Jesus with help them to heal and then in turn use this to help others.

This to me, is what being a child of God is all about.

This is what prosperity is about……nothing to do with ‘getting rich’ like the TV Evangelists & the Hillsongs and the like will deceive you with…..prosperity is about whatever you are being blessed with, being blessed more with the heart to share that with others.

My life, whilst far from ‘good’ or ‘nice’ has blessed me with a wealth of life wisdom and a heart to help others…..which I do not always do perfectly at all…..far from…..but God doesn’t want ‘perfect’ – He wants a willing, teachable heart, and soul that yearns to help bless others.

I will never say abuse is a ‘blessing in disguise’……..that is applauding Satan.

But, God will use anything……..for His purposes……..and His purposes are always for our best.

Today has been an all round great day!! :D

Had some fun with my son and husband today ~ in the pool, in the garden…planning the next area we are tackling in our yard to improve and talking about what type of plants and path we need etc…..

Yep….this former clubbing party girl……..now gardens….and enjoys it! 🙂

Still shocks me too… the power of transformation…

I was invited to join a US charity organisation ~ http://www.sheared.org/ , founded by a very brave woman, who is also an actress and singer. Marissa’s work to support, raise awareness, provide resources and more…is very inspiring and I feel humbled to be invited to join and become a partner. And for her kind comments about my work too. And Marissa is a Christian, and speaks about spiritual abuse, so that is something close to my heart too.

Daniela Sieff, who has written an excellent book on emotional trauma ~ left a very kind and supportive message on my community page…

Lilly – thank you so much. Your page and your work is so nourishing and healing – it is moving to be recommended by you! “

Plus, I’ve had some funny convo’s with my friends on Facebook too and giggled at some humour…

So, an all round good day…. 😀

Good Shit Happens Too!


Pope Francis – totally right….again! Freedom of expression, should not be about insulting, mocking, hatred, satire, sarcasm…

I really love this man, and I don’t even know him.

I just feel it.

Feel this pull towards him and what he speaks of.

I would truly love to spend time with him.

And I am aware this is a spiritual need and no doubt because I never had a healthy father figure and he is so wise.

I know I am drawn to older people…and now it is about seeking their wisdom, learning how they think, how they interact and mostly what they can teach me that God wants me to know and learn.


I had a visualisation, of being someone who could stand up and talk about all the deeper, taboo issues.

I have a huge fear of public speaking, so this is quite bizarre…

But, I had a visualisation of being a public speaker, who could stand up and talk about things that many do not hear, but need to hear.

And not from a place of hurt…….but just to simply explain how victims of abuse, get hurt more and why, and how, and what would be the better way for society, churches, to deal with abuse victims.

Example……using my experience of being abused by a church minister, and then all that occurred after that…causing me more pain and suffering and the effects of that. And why this happens…….why church people polarise with leaders, why they reject the victim, why they choose the easy, comfortable path (with a level of understanding that most humans do this), why they choose cheap grace, why they have corrupt internal investigations, why they demonise people with mental health issues, why they lie, the personality disorder issues etc. Why victims are treated like the enemy, why that is wrong, why that hurts victims of abuse so much more. And why none of that…….models Christ.

Another example…..the taboo subjects of re-enactment of abuse, how the body physically responds during abuse…….and other deeply shame inducing issues that victims of sexual abuse endure through their lives and how this hurts and harms us even more and the shame this causes. Which leads to relationship issues – feeding in more shame and guilt……..and sadly all too often leads to suicide.

I’ve always said education is needed………and survivors want to hear from another survivor…….not some Ph.D person, who has never actually experienced what they are talking about. Continue reading

An Open Letter To Sexual Abuse Survivors – Mary DeMuth


Obviously, this is Mary’s journey, and not everyone’s will be the same. Mary’s abuse history is not the same as everyone else’s and she has support and probably a supportive husband……….so that will have impacted her recovery differently than how it will for others.

And I don’t agree with people saying ‘well I recovered this way……so can/must you’.

Because not everyone will recover in the same way, and we do not need anymore shame about that……..or having our journey’s compared and anyone considered ‘weak’ for not recovering in the same way.

But, what I like about this letter…………is it does give people *hope*.


Dear Sexual Abuse Survivor,

I don’t really like the word victim. Even survivor has a strange connotation. And I’m not too keen on victor. None of those words encapsulate what happened to you, the devastation sexual abuse enacted on your heart. But we’re strangled by language sometimes–even writers can’t adequately express horror.

I much like the word BRAVE. Because it’s so darn brave to walk away from something like that. It’s brave to forgive. Brave to live your life in the wake of sexual trauma. Brave to hold your head high.

First let me say I am sorry. I’m so terribly sad that sexual abuse is part of your story. It’s not right. Someone chose to take something from you–your volition and your body. That person (or people) violated you. They used their power and bully persuasion to overwhelm you with their sinful desires. And now you’re the one left feeling dirty and used–while so many perpetrators walk this earth free. 

It’s not fair.

Some of you feel shame and guilt in gigantic measure, heaped upon you. Some of you feel that you invited the abuse. The way you dressed. The hole in your heart that longed for attention. The equating of sex with love and affection. You feel you wooed the perpetrator somehow. Let me say this: A person who adores and loves you would NEVER EVER violate you. Never. Instead of violation, they would protect. They would pray for you. They would honor your boundaries.

Someone’s selfish gratification is not your fault. Don’t own that. Dare to believe your worth, and allow yourself the feel the grace that God grants you. Forgive yourself. Let yourself off the hook. You were abused. You didn’t want it. Someone took from you–like a thief. They may have used slick words, threatened you, persuaded you that you wanted it, but it’s not true. Thieves are often liars. Continue reading

A victim’s body responding physically……..does not mean it isn’t rape, or sexual assault, abuse.


A post to my page, with ^^^^^ article.

Society does need to wake up to the fact that the body physically responds the way it is designed to, whether it is rape or consensual.

But, whatever the victim is doing, whatever the victim’s body is doing……..does *not* matter…….it is what the rapist is doing that is the only factor in rape.

Children’s bodies also respond when being sexually abused, but that does not make what a e.g. paedophile is doing…..okay at all.

It is still rape, still sexual assault, still sexual abuse.

And this occurs to men, as well as women, boys, as well as girls.

And the shame the victim is left with due to this……….is horrific.

And there should be NO shame felt by the victim of the sexual abuse/rape.

But, we can carry it for a lifetime, if we are not supported to understand all this.

Which is why I am sharing this, so people who may relate to this, feel supported, and understood a little more.

Lilly ❤