I am starting to process this……and I am not a fast learner, because I have to process it all deeply and feel it completely and learn ~ often by my own failures and mistakes, what I need to learn.
And I accept, I am stubborn and feisty at times……..I’ve needed to be, to survive…..but that is lessoning over time.
I have, can and do react from a place of hurt, fear and shame…….and I see many do.
And every person who has hurt me……..every person who has lied, manipulated, groomed, abused, hurt, didn’t own it, lied to others about it etc….was reacting from a place of hurt, fear and shame.
Where evil comes into this……I don’t know.
I’ve seen, endured and felt some evil acts of abuse committed against me.
But, I also see a shame filled, fear filled, hurt filled person……and that is sad. Really sad.
And I am needing to deal with my own emotions about all they did…….valid emotions, and valid grieving.
But, my views of my tormentors, abusers, perpetrators, whatever they are meant to be described as (this labelling issue, is driving me nuts..and swims around in my head often….my dear counsellor will be glad to know 😛 )……..are changing.
And I know and see……..nothing good has ever come from my own hurt, shame and fear related actions and reactions….whether conscious, or unconscious, whether intentional, or unintentional….
And me ~ being me ~ I will continue to think, process and jabber about this, for some time yet.