Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Such kind and supportive words, from Daniela F.Sieff :)

I am currently reading through an amazing body of work, about emotional trauma and healing…by Daniela Sieff Ph.D.

I highly recommend this book http://www.danielasieff.com/

daniela

Daniela, has been so supportive of my work, and shared some very kind words, which I am truly thankful for..

“Hi Lilly, REALLY appreciate the line you tread between deep compassion and empathy and acceptance, and yet not reifying the ‘victim identity’. Your posts have such ability to heal shame.”


“Lilly – thank you so much. Your page and your work is so nourishing and healing – it is moving to be recommended by you! “

And Daniela has so kindly shared my website too, stating “The website has thousands of visitors and its author writes with humanity, sensitivity and a deeply embodied understanding.”

I am still always so shocked when very educated, and insightful people, who’s careers are about trauma, speak highly of me and my work.

And so deeply thankful for this and their support.


This is some more info about the book…..and the conversations with several highly educated and insightful contributors…plus some endorsements…

The contributors have their roots in three interrelated perspectives, creating a uniquely layered and multi-faceted book.  (1) Psychotherapeutic perspectives take us inside the world of the unconscious mind and body to illuminate how emotional trauma distorts our relationships with ourselves and with other people (Donald Kalsched, Bruce Lloyd, Tina Stromsted, Marion Woodman).  (2) Neurobiological perspective explore how trauma impacts the systems that mediate our emotional lives and well-being (Ellert Nijenhuis, Allan Schore, Daniel Siegel).  (3) Evolutionary perspectives contextualise emotional trauma in terms of the legacy we have inherited from our distant ancestors (James Chisholm, Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, Randolph Nesse). 

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Having courageous vulnerability….helps people….in a way that nothing else compares with.

A comment to my page……which is not uncommon and shows that sharing the way I do, everything – good bad and ugly…..helps people…..’really’ helps people in this deeply painful and lonely journey.


God Bless (or who ever your belief is in lol) You Lilly ❤

Your posts on this page are honest and informative.. but above all else they are encouraging.

When the thoughts start to overwhelm I can often find reassurance on here. Be it through a quotation or statement.
I fairly new to this PTSD nonsense and am at the very beginning of my journey with it. It’s frightening when you act in a way you never have before because of fear, even though the fear could be totally insignificant, it shocks you and confuses you. I have only managed to understand the reasons behind things due to A LOT of research (see insomnia is good for somethings lol).

But finding this page has been one of the biggest comforts in it all.

To read someone describing what you are suffering, exactly as you would yourself, is so reassuring….

It makes me feel like maybe I’m not crazy after all…. unless we all are?!? Lol.

Nope.. not crazy… not broken… not unloveable… not worthless… not ‘putting it on’ … Just paying the price for being in the wrong place at the wrong time…

I’m not a.victim, nor a survivor… I am a warrior who will not back down. I haven’t gained the life experience I have so far for no reason… I will use it as a positive to help and encourage others… Just like your good self 🙂

xxxxx


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I completely understand when people express ‘terminal aloneness’…

struggle

It breaks my heart how many people out there, have no-one who cares about them and all they have been through and all they continue to endure.

I see them expressing it and how it feels.

I am in the same boat. Not one single person cares about me…not in any real way..

My family were the perpetrators, so the opposite of love there.

My friends didn’t ask, didn’t want to know…..but often ‘their’ problems mattered, of course. So no love there.

My ex husband was in a relationship with alcohol and gambling and himself…….so no love there.

My current husband, never asked in over 10 years about my past, never asked if I wanted to talk and even now has no empathy and would rather I didn’t talk to him about any of it. He’s not interested.

But, I have cared about all of them.

Throughout my life, I’ve had empathy to sit and think about people’s lives, their childhood’s and how that may have affected them and wanted to be there for them.

I knew my ex-best friend, was messed up due to being a spoiled only child and I knew why she was who she was.

I knew my ex husbands own father being an alcoholic and gambling addict and having an enabling mother and being an only child, had screwed him up.

I can see all of the people who have hurt me, and look at their childhoods, and pinpoint issues that have negatively affected who they are in .

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I am now off all medications……

18 months ago……I was on 2 strong anti-depressants, and an anti-psychotic….and I needed them. They kept me alive.

Over the last 12 months….I stopped needing the anti-psychotic and stopped taking one of the AD’s.

Now, I am off the last of them….which wasn’t actually planned……I missed taking it for 4 days (naughty me I know) and then realised I had no repeat script, and it was Saturday, so not able to get another script….

And so now, I haven’t taken that AD for 6 days……and I feel fine! 😀

I am absolutely NOT advocating for stopping any meds cold turkey…..and I always advise people consult their doctor….even though I didn’t actually do that myself…

I do feel a bit weird……..I am a bit hyper…….which I think is possibly my old non medicated me coming back……because I always was a bit hyper and go go go…

I have had some headaches…..and they have eased off. But, I’m used to headaches.

I am definitely finding humour even more funny, feeling happier and playing fast paced music that makes me wanna dance….so that’s a good thing…….anything that gets this very unfit body up and moving and off the laptop……. 😉

So, will be interesting to see what my doctor/counsellor says about this tomorrow…


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A post to my community – about being thankful :-)

I am SO deeply thankful for all the masses of support I continually receive, from so many amazing and courageous survivors….to help me persist in my passion and calling, to reach out to others ❤

I am SO deeply thankful for all the mental health professionals and those with such amazing education and research work – helping so many and supporting me in all I do and all their many messages of support and validation and compassion ❤

thankful

I have learned so much over the last 2 years, whilst being the admin of this very special and amazing community.

I learned much greater levels of compassion, empathy, awareness of how different our journeys are, how different approaches to our journey’s are needed, how to value people for ‘who they are’ and ‘where they are at’ and to love people, where they are at.

I learned much about myself…..all my areas of change needed, where I needed to lose my own ego issues, lose my judgment issues, my own unhealthy beliefs, of how being honest about my failures, my struggles, my own inner journey, as well as acknowledge my courage, inner strength, honesty, integrity and successes ….and how this is a valuable support to others.

When I reflect on the last 2 years…..it has been a journey that has taught me more, than I could ever have learned within an easy, comfortable and pain/trauma -free life.

But, mostly it has taught me to LOVE people more ❤

And for all this, I am eternally thankful and have deep gratitude.

~ Lilly ❤ ❤ ❤


Today I am going to honour ALL I have achieved and succeeded in……

Over the last 2 and half years, I have worked so hard on my healing.

Having severe Complex PTSD, as well as severe PTSD, Suicide Ideation and severe Depression……and so many severe trauma to process, trauma that started from birth….is not an easy journey.

In fact, it is fucking horrendous!

Having endured…..

Highly abusive sociopathic parents – who set me up to be abused…….

A paedophile who groomed, abused and raped me for years…….

A sadistic sexual psychopath who horrifically abused me for years and went to prison……

An alcoholic gambling addict and abusive first husband…….

An attack with a knife at my throat in a park……

And whilst trying to deal with a breakdown within the last 3 years – also spiritually abused and groomed by a church minister and treated badly by the entire church and endured a corrupt investigation …….

And basically having endured every type of abuse possible in my life….to a really severe level……

I have dealt with a lot.

A fucking massive amount!!!! 

And I have done really fucking well in my healing journey, so far 🙂

Whilst also setting up a Community for others….

Reaching out to & helping 1,000’s of people….

Writing an award winning Blog……..

Creating and authoring a highly respected Website…..

Helping many people.

And making the conscious decision to want to learn from every single minute of it all.

And educate myself in so much trauma and abuse related research and info.

And being willing to listen to what I need to change and be willing to take that inner journey, that demands huge courage and vulnerability……and admit all my own shit too……a process I am still in.

Today…..I’m going to feel content with myself,

and acknowledge my deep reserves of courage,

inner strength, integrity to honesty,

empathy for others, compassion for others

and sheer fucking determination, to heal.

Today, I acknowledge all I have achieved and succeeded in.

Today, I am going to allow myself a big fat

‘ You fucking rock girl’!!!!

Whilst also thanking Jesus.. !!!

Because He was there through every second of all this and He is responsible for getting me through all this……..whilst acknowledging I had to be have the willingness and the heart to heal and endure it all….and help others in the process.


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Yes, I am a Christian, and yes I love my LGBT friends too……a bit of a shock for some to hear….

Whenever secular (often atheists) people want to criticise Christians, they usually like to shame you first off with the assumption that you must be one of those right wing, no empathy, do not model Christ ‘anti-LGBT’ types of church people…

Well guess what…….you assumed wrongly peeps, I love LGBT people……just as much as heterosexual people….and SO DOES GOD!!!

That kinda takes the wind out their ‘I want to hate on you because you are a Christian’ sails…

I don’t go to church. Not that I am against decent churches……I just feel my ministry is not in a church, with church people…..my ministry is out in secular society…….modelling – or trying to – being a light for Jesus, by loving all.

I don’t fit into churches……I don’t feel the need to be in one…..maybe that will change……..never say never. But any church I ever attend in the future……..would actually have to be and feel and act like a church.

I lived in secular society all my life…….and actually met some far more wonderful people there……than I ever did in a church. And I am so aware of how badly church people often deal with many issues.

Including how they hurt and push away LGBT people. Which is so wrong.

For now, I am happy to chat and talk and be within secular society, and just try and model some compassion, some non hatred stuff, some honesty…..mixed up with a bit of humour….

And I know Jesus does His job, of drawing in those with willing hearts.

It’s not my job to bring people to Jesus………that’s Jesus’ job……..and I have absolutely no ego to believe that I can ever bring anyone to Jesus.

My motto is the same as the amazing Gosford Anglican Church, who promote such empathic values……

“Church people……some people are gay……get over it…….love God”.

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