Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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If the ‘crazy plant lady’ shirt fits……….. :D

I need one of these 😉


I was so delighted to be able to buy myself a gardening tool set today… 😀

And a few more plants…..Bunnings, Masters and a local gardening centre…..are my favourite places to visit… 🙂

I also moved some plants that are outgrowing their pots ~ into the newer planted area of the garden and added a few cutesy garden ornaments….to make it much more ‘me’.. 😀

Yep………a crazy plant lady I am becoming.

I always was…….and all or nothing girl 🙂

But, hey anything that gets me off the laptop…… 😉

People will do anything……to fill that hole in their soul, where God is meant to be.

I really believe so many people strive for outer successes, because that hole in their soul where God is meant to reside, is empty and they live life continually looking and striving for outer ways to try and fill that hole.

It is also why I think so many people look to guru’s to worship and put humans up on pedestals and worship celebrities, or some even worship themselves…..

Because it is in us ~ to actually want to find God, to worship.

I see this everywhere now…..and it makes me sad, because the idealist in me ~ wants everyone to have that God shaped hole, be filled with God and not all these other pursuits.

God shaped hole

Reflections of my love for gardening…and how it relates to my healing journey.


I have never been a ‘gardener’….never really had any interest….but now I love it.

Taking care of many plants, has been interesting and I see how it relates to my journey…..my growing inner garden of my soul

Growing gardens need work and effort to maintain them.

As I nurture them, I see them grow, in beauty and strength.

I continually prune away the dead stuff, the yucky stuff and allow the new shoots and buds to form….the healthy newer ones that give rise to further growth.

I delight in all the little shoots I see on my hydrangeas….seeing them develop into beautiful leaves.

My climbing plants, along my arch and my newer ones….need help to nurture them to grow where needed. They need training to not grow in the wrong direction, but instead grow where they will form into the most beautiful plants.


My gardens and pots and my little fairy world…..my little sanctuary I have developed……needs my continual attention, continual love, continually being watered and fed.

And the more I take care of them…….the more strength and beauty develops and the more joy I have.

Just as my inner world, of my heart and soul, growing continually too.

People who ‘cherry pick’ beliefs….and what this shows to me…

I have come to realise………that when people ‘cherry pick’ what they wish to accept and what they wish to believe in…

I am seeing a person who wants to take the easy and comfortable path of least resistance, least self reflection, least inner challenge.

I see this within church people…….they cherry pick from the Bible, what they choose to believe, what ‘fit’s’ with their own needs. And they choose to ignore the rest, or do gymnastics around verses that don’t ‘fit’.

Very spiritually immature.

I also see this with people who ‘cherry pick’ from a variety of religions…..“only’ what feels easy, comfortable, justifies their own needs, rationalises their own thinking and behaviours……..regardless of whether healthy or not.

‘Cherry picking’…….is the path of ease and comfort, of least self challenge, and does not show a soul that is wise, or that thinks deeply, or that is able to confront what doesn’t feel ‘nice’….


And is a soul that is very spiritually unwise, immature and lacking in spiritual development and yet their ego will choose to believe they are wise.

And it always a relief to me, to have this validated, as correct.

And whilst I see this all so clearly, I still wish to love people who are at this stage in their own journey.

I want to meet people where they are at….

and love them fully….

where they are at.

A dear friend replied to this post on my personal Facebook page….”but I love cherries!!”.

And I agreed, cherries are good…….but we need to taste the bad ones……as well as the good ones.


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Some negative reactions and behaviours I have noticed that are sad.

I have noticed that when I am down, struggling etc, I often receive far more responses being nice to me…….than if I explain I am doing well/better.

Even during my darkest moments over the last 3 years…..I have still had it within my heart to feel really happy and thankful for other people’s further progression in their healing and their lives being better and having more joy.

But, I have noticed those who don’t feel happiness for me, now I am doing better and in fact will criticise me and be negative, rather than be supportive.

I have been told this is a jealous, envious heart and self serving heart, that is only willing to be company in misery – as that suits their needs…….but can’t be there in my good times…..because that’s ‘not’ serving their needs.

I am expecting some people to fall away, now I am starting to feel better.

Which is sad and I feel sad for them, that this is where ‘their’ hearts and souls are at.

But, I also accept, it is completely about their own issues and hurt……..and I am not responsible for fixing them or being their counsellor.

I can feel sadness for where someone’s heart and soul is at…….whilst protecting myself and having needed boundaries and awareness of what they are doing, and why.