Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Having empathy….is the only way to help people.

I wrote a blog earlier about my husbands mental health issues and how they affect me and our children. Which very much is needed for me to understand and recognise.

The fact that his issues, affect our children….is not okay and therefore means this cannot be ignored. And the only reason I am tolerating his issues, is because we have children. If it were just me, we probably would no longer be together. I don’t believe in being a martyr to someone else’s issues and putting up with them ~ but having children, makes it different. Because he is their father and as my children, their needs do become paramount to mine.

I also know, the only way to help someone, is with empathy.

empathy

I sat down with him earlier, and calmly said to him that I think he is really unhappy, grumpy, moody, tired a lot – which considering he sleeps well – is an indication that something is not right. And he has been like this all of his life. Which he agreed is true. He agreed he has never been a joyful, happy, thankful type of person.

I said he needs to look after his health, and go to the doctor and see about getting blood works done to see if there are any underlying causes to poor health and also ask about being prescribed an anti-depressant.

I’ve done research and know that narcissists are often prescribed AD’s – because they do have underlying depression levels, which they then project the bad moods, tiredness, etc onto everyone else. And often behave in abusive ways, as a fix to seek something good to feel.

So, I’m hoping that AD’s may help him.

I know his issues are due to his own childhood – which may seem ‘normal’ – but in fact there were many issues of emotional neglect, and he was never taught empathy, compassion, thinking of others, doing things for others etc…because his parents lack this too. So genetically he is predisposed to having poor mental health issues. Continue reading


5 Comments

It’s really hard being married to someone with high level narcissistic/sociopathic traits.

I’m all too aware (now) of my trauma/abuse induced self harming behaviours….and why I gravitated towards people who will not love me, not care about me and hurt me more.

I realise this has happened repeatedly in my life……and I am married to a man, who has a deficit of empathy, conscience, remorse and likes to wind people up, including me and his son. Of course, he will then claim ‘it was a joke’….as abusive people like to claim….you know…to make you feel even worse.

My husband has no awareness of needs outside of his own.

There are many behaviours that show his heart. Like sarcasm or others being hurt…being his only sense of humour. Any other sense of humour…he does not ‘get’. I will show him things I think are funny – appropriate humour – and there is not a flicker of finding it amusing.

A recent example of his complete selfishness – he’ll readily go to buy me alcohol & will jump quickly at doing this – even though I shouldn’t be drinking it – because he thinks he will get sex. And his needs are the only factor to him.

And his needs for sex are always above any consideration for others…..hence why he had several affairs in his first marriage and no remorse. And he even screwed his own uncle’s wife….and again – no remorse. (I didn’t know any of this until after we had my first child, because he didn’t tell me, he kept it a secret from me). Pure sociopathic traits…along with lying and devious behaviours….and no remorse, no conscience, no empathy, self control issues, self serving at any detrimental cost to others.

But, he’s not so keen on go to the shop to buy me anything else…….if it’s not to serve his needs. And if he does, it’s to make himself feel like he’s a great person….not for me, or my needs. Not for love.

When I tell him anything about my past……..no matter how terrible it is…..there is no empathy shown. In fact, he would far rather I didn’t share it. To him…’why does he need to know…if it’s not about him?’ He’s never been interested in anything about me……..unless it serves him. Continue reading


My next project….make my own wishing well :)

I can most things when I put my mind to it and I can be quite creative…I can sew, craft….and now garden.. 🙂

My yard is currently being transformed into gorgeousness & cuteness….the kind I love 🙂

It is partly my need to create a life for myself, that I didn’t have….a childhood I didn’t have. And my yard & gardens, I would have adored as a child! And I do now.

It’s all part of my healing, my inner child healing.

I love wishing wells, not sure why as I don’t believe in ‘wishing’ ~ so I’m going to make one and it will be my ‘prayer well’.

I can’t afford to buy one, as they cost a lot of money……but hey, why buy one, when you can make one 😉

So, I will.

wishing well2


My life, is like a whole collection of jazz songs…sad, struggle, suffering, courage, endurance, love…

“I Believe I Can Fly”

If I can see it and that’s when I’m like about anything
If I can see it, I can do it

I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I’m leaning on the everlasting arms

If I can see it then I can do it
If I just believe it, there’s nothing to it

I believe I could fly
I believe I can touch the sky
Think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away

I believe, I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly, I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence, it can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me

If I can see it, I can do it
If I just believe it, there’s nothing to it

I believe I could fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away

I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly, I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

‘Cause I believe in me
I believe in me

If I can see it then I can do it
If I just, if I just believe it, there’s nothing to it

I believe, I believe I could fly
I believe I can touch the sky
Think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away

I believe, I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly, I believe, I believe
I believe I can fly and I believe I can fly

I believe I can fly
I know, I know I can fly
I know, I know I can soar
See me running through that open door
I, I can fly

Continue reading