Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


A woman can only feel comfortable with a man she feels safe with, trusts & knows genuinely cares.

safe

This applies to intelligent women., who understand what a healthy relationships is meant to be and feel like.

If you don’t feel safe with your partner, you can’t trust them and your partner is not your friend and doesn’t care about you, then you are in an unhealthy relationship.


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Found a psychologist with a pretty impressive experience resume.

Found a psychologist, with the following listed as her resume…

((name)) BPsych (Hons), M Psych (Clinical), MAPS (Clin).

((name)) is a Clinical Psychologist who has many years experience working with adolescents, adults, and older adults. She has provided psychological assessment and intervention in a broad range of settings to individuals and couples, as well as groups.

((name)) has experience working with a range of presentations including:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Complex Trauma
  • Dissociative Disorders
  • Chronic Pain and Adjustment to Medical Conditions
  • Bipolar Disorder
  • Personality Disorders
  • Eating Disorders
  • Grief and Loss
  • Adjustment Issues
  • Workplace Stress

She has a special interest in complex trauma and dissociative disorders, as well as family of origin issues that have contributed to the development of depression and anxiety.
Continue reading


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Just realised, I am still in a complex trauma situation…… trapped…. no viable way to escape.

Complex trauma, is about being in an abusive relationship and having no viable means of escape.

This is what I am still in. I am being emotionally abused and neglected by my current husband, and I feel like I cannot escape, because of guilt I will feel about my affecting my children.

And I realise, this is why I cannot handle in any way, my ex-counsellor saying this can be an ‘adequate’ relationship.

I am trapped.

And yes people will say it’s my own fault, I made choices to be with my husband and have children with him. But I didn’t know what he was, or why I was wit him, or that I was being lied to and I didn’t know all I know now.

And if I boot him out, I feel like I will hurt my children.

So, I am stuck, dealing with emotional abuse, every day.

Because living with someone with high narcissistic/sociopathic traits and highly manipulative, with pathological lying – is abuse – emotional abuse.

And I am trapped……. trying to pretend it’s okay and I can manage it, filling my time with gardening etc – to try to pretend it’s okay and I can have other things in my life that make me feel okay.

But, it’s not okay.

I’ve been abused, manipulated, lied to – my entire life. And it’s still happening and I am trapped. I have no way out, that won’t hurt my children.

My first marriage I got myself out of, because thankfully there were no children.

I am still in a complex trauma situation……. because I don’t have just myself to worry about.


Watching Dr.Phil – parents who allow their children to be sexually abused.

This particular episode is about religious/cult abuse, and a lot of child abuse of different types goes on in churches that do indeed pretend to be the more commonly known churches. I know of one and it is a Baptist ‘Church’/cult. The right wing, conservative, non empathy type churches,often have more abuse occurring, then others. They are often more like cults, than churches.

But, the same disturbed thinking happens within family’s and with or without the religious aspect. It’s a human perversion, not a religious issue, but church people will abuse the Bible, to justify their severe mental health issues. It becomes the perfect excuse.

I will never stop grieving how I know my mother knew what was happening to me. She knew her husband was pervert, and so were all his friends. There were too many, and she was not an un-intelligent woman. And I believe she enjoyed it. It was deliberate, planned intent.

I’m sitting watching this father, speak absolute lies about how he ‘didn’t know’ that his 13 year old daughter was having sex with this church minister, and watching him blame his daughter.

It is sickening. I know how it feels to be blamed by your parent, for sexual abuse. I was also blamed for my sister being abused. I was 13.

But, good to see Dr. Phil, tell him how wrong he is and how the blame – is actually his, for failing to protect his daughter.

And Dr. Phil acknowledged all the so called mind control the father says he was subjected to, but it is so obvious how this father was actually more concerned about what other church members would say, than protecting his daughter. That happens a lot in churches too. And in family’s. Image and fitting in, can be everything, to some people. And at the cost of abuse occurring to others. Continue reading


And I’m back here again…. Sia ~ Breathe me

I can tell where this fear within me, is coming from.

All loss, is felt as abandonment and triggers those fears when I was a child.

I know how I am feeling and why, and that is good and I realise is self insight. And honesty.

But, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel the pain, just as intensely.


Poem – Inner Child’s Pain, Of Letting Go

Feeling this right now.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

My needy inner child

Desperately searches for

What she never had

Scared to her core

.

To face and know

You cannot be

What I need

For the child in me

.

‘Letting go’

Words I fear

You are in my heart

This pain severe

.

To let go

And lose these dreams

Of the search ending

Fragile, unheard screams

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Searching for a new counsellor. Ones that specialise in PTSD, Complex Trauma & Grieving.

I know that I need support, to deal with my PTSD and more importantly, all the issues I am dealing with, in my marriage, and possibly needing to get divorced.

I know I cannot deal with this on my own, and I definitely won’t be seeking ‘church people’ based counselling, because church people all too often get it so wrong, when it comes to abuse, abusers and how to deal with it.

I absolutely do not want to have to go through starting again with another counsellor.

I absolutely do not want to have to talk about my trauma and any details.

I just need appropriate support to get me through stress I am currently dealing with and stress I will be facing. Continue reading


Wish more people realised the severe affects of emotional abuse.

There is so much BS perpetuated …….. that unless it’s physical or sexual abuse, then it’s ‘not that bad’.

I see this clearly in society and even more so perpetuated in church people.

Even mental health professionals, have not all got their heads around this.

Some will consider an emotionally abusive relationship – as ‘adequate’……….. but if there is physical abuse, then it’s different.

So wrong.

emotional abuse2


Illusions are far easier to live within, which is exactly why they are chosen by most.

illusion

And most people do not want their illusion’s destroyed.

Most people do not have the courage or willingness, to deal with their illusions, particularly about self.

Takes a lot of courage, to go within, with honesty.


My choice of husbands, truly shows my internalised abusers/emotional self harming behaviours.

Ex husband = alcoholic, gambling addict, very selfish, abusive, narcissistic, sociopathic traits, pathological liar, compulsive thief, not trustworthy, enabled by equally disordered parents.

Current husband = serial adulterer, low moral compass, no empathy, no conscience, no guilt, no remorse, pathological liar, narcissistic/sociopathic traits, not trustworthy, GP diagnosed his personality disorder.

What a fucked up mess my life has been…….. and continues to be.

Due to my childhood and those I associated with in my 20’s, I had no awareness of what a decent person looked like, particularly men.

Due to my childhood and my fucked up mother and step father – I continued the abuse they started.

I internalised all their shit, and continued it, to myself.

My whole life has been completely fucked up, and now I have children in the mix, and I don’t know 100% whether I am making good choices for them.

And I have different people saying different things to me, and quite frankly, I don’t know who to listen to.

*sigh.