Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

A post to my page on when to consider ‘no contact’.

4 Comments

~~~ When to consider ‘no contact’ ~~~

Healthy emotional boundaries, are very much needed and an act of self care and self respect.

If the harm people cause – including family members – continues to hurt your healing journey and hurt your heart and soul….

And they will not change, or respect boundaries….

Then it can be needed to consider no contact.

My family of origin are so toxic and harmful….. I do have to have no contact.

My view…… along with many mental health professionals…… is that to keep being within toxic relationships – is in fact a form of emotional self harm and self sabotage….

We do not need to be ‘martyrs’ …. to others people’s abusive ways.

Some people will claim you ‘should’ stay in contact with certain people e.g. your parents, adult children….. no matter what they do.

But, this is psychologically very wrong and damaging to ‘tell’ someone that….. and is a form of abuse too.

Going ‘no contact’ is a very difficult and emotional decision and one that needs a great deal of thought.

But ask yourself…….. do you ‘deserve’ to keep being emotionally harmed by someone?

I used to believe I did deserve this, I had issues with thinking I needed to be hurt, I wasn’t worthy of anything better….

But not anymore.

And this does not mean I hate those people I have no contact with…… I don’t. I don’t hate anyone. Not any of my abusers.

But, my self worth, self care and self compassion….. along with my healthy emotional boundaries, have all increased…… as my healing increases.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “A post to my page on when to consider ‘no contact’.

  1. You have certainly given me a lot to think about. I have such difficulty having no contact with people that bring harm into my home. I am afraid I will not get to see my nieces and nephews who mean the world to me. I am learning to meet in more public places and that is helping. No contact is a big decision. I think it does come down to my taking care of myself and the world in which I inhabit.

    • It is a decision, that needs to be made with a lot of thought.

      It depends on many factors…. e.g. how much harm they are projecting, do they respond to any boundaries, how often do you see them…. etc.

      I know for myself…… my healing is a priority, because my healing and wellbeing doesn’t just affect me, it affects my children and how I cope day to day, how I cope as a parent …… and they are my No1 priority.

      It is a lot to consider and not every situation is the same for all.

      But, people should not feel shamed or guilted into staying in toxic relationships.

      ❤ ❤

  2. My husband went NC almost a year ago, although the dad keeps calling and occasionally leaving messages on his voice mail of fake pleasantries and guilt trips. DH has stood strong and will not speak to him again. He just got a new phone and a new number. We hope they reuse his old number soon and give it to another mobile phone customer – and the dad realises that he no longer can call and leave those messages ever again.