~~ Externalised / Internalised Abuse ~~
Victims of abuse, often do one or the other…… or sometimes both… and this is well known in trauma/abuse psychology.
1. Externalising the abuse…. and projecting that outwards … hurting others… abusing others.
2. Internalising the abuse….. and hurting self…. continuing the abuse, to self.
And that internalised abuse, becomes a subconscious compulsion – to re-enact abuse and harm self .. and an addiction to that.
Which is all very common, after abuse/trauma. So if you know you do this, please know, it is very normal after abuse ❤
I realised, I was the latter…. and all my unhealthy behaviours, all my dysfunction, emotional self harming, self sabotaging, abuse re-enacting, choosing to be around harmful people etc…. was the continuation of all the abuse done to me previously.
That was when I realised, I needed to stop abusing myself and started working really hard on this….. because I knew I could change this pattern. And I was determined to change this.
This was a very painful and challenging stage of my healing process …… and I needed lots of self care and self compassion to deal with this.
And support in counselling, which is something I always advise people seek.
This is not easy for me to share – so please be gentle in any comments (thank you) ….. and I am sharing this…… only because it is my hope it may help someone who is at or near this stage ready to think and consider this.
I realise not everyone will be ready or need to read this, and that’s okay ….. but there will be some who will benefit from reading this, and this post is for them.
Much love, and full understanding, of how difficult and painful, this journey can be.
But with a message of hope….. that we can heal through this journey ❤
I was thankful to have very well educated mental health professionals like this post on my page…… because it helps me to know I am on the right track, in expressing this.
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