Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


A post to my page on Externalised/Internalised Abuse…

~~ Externalised / Internalised Abuse ~~

Victims of abuse, often do one or the other…… or sometimes both… and this is well known in trauma/abuse psychology.

1. Externalising the abuse…. and projecting that outwards … hurting others… abusing others.


2. Internalising the abuse….. and hurting self…. continuing the abuse, to self.

And that internalised abuse, becomes a subconscious compulsion – to re-enact abuse and harm self .. and an addiction to that.

Which is all very common, after abuse/trauma. So if you know you do this, please know, it is very normal after abuse ❤

I realised, I was the latter…. and all my unhealthy behaviours, all my dysfunction, emotional self harming, self sabotaging, abuse re-enacting, choosing to be around harmful people etc…. was the continuation of all the abuse done to me previously.

That was when I realised, I needed to stop abusing myself and started working really hard on this….. because I knew I could change this pattern. And I was determined to change this.

This was a very painful and challenging stage of my healing process …… and I needed lots of self care and self compassion to deal with this.

And support in counselling, which is something I always advise people seek.

This is not easy for me to share – so please be gentle in any comments (thank you) ….. and I am sharing this…… only because it is my hope it may help someone who is at or near this stage ready to think and consider this.

I realise not everyone will be ready or need to read this, and that’s okay ….. but there will be some who will benefit from reading this, and this post is for them.

Much love, and full understanding, of how difficult and painful, this journey can be.

But with a message of hope….. that we can heal through this journey ❤

Lilly ❤

I was thankful to have very well educated mental health professionals like this post on my page…… because it helps me to know I am on the right track, in expressing this.

(You will need to be logged into FB, to see this).

It is very healthy, to enjoy solitude and your own company.


I talked about this in counselling …..

And how I now love and crave my own company… and this is about increased emotional intelligence, not ‘needing’ people and having inner security.

And that peace is not found in ‘people’.

Carl G Jung ….. even stated that he needed his alone time, his regular times of solitude. And other wise people speak of this and their need for it too.

I was thankful to have this validated, as healthy.

And that enjoying my own company, and finding peace in that ~ more than I do in time with my family, or other people …. is not something to feel guilty about, or feel is wrong.

It’s interesting how much I have changed……. I used to hate being alone…….. now it is where I am most happy, content and find peace.

It is where I think, process, enjoy myself, and talk to Jesus.


The healthier I become, the more rejection & grief I will receive from dysfunctional people…

I have already noticed this.

I’ve noticed that many pages, whether they be about abuse, about mental health, about ‘positive’ thinking, the self professed guru types …. etc…. run by unhealthy, dysfunctional people……… they receive a lot of support.

Which is actually really sad.

I see clearly how the majority of society – is so unhealthy – and so will veer towards the unhealthy stuff like;

‘Wanting karma’ – revenge is sweet/good crowd’ ….. or

‘Being a bitch is fine…… speak your mind – no matter how much it hurts anyone – crowd’ ……. or

‘Be proud of your dysfunctional mental health – but not want/choose to heal, grow, mature – crowd’……. or

‘You are freakin’ amazing, awesome, perfect, never change’ – ego tripping crowd’ …. or

‘Lets be really un-empathic and shitty and tell people ‘you are acting the victim, stop being a drama queen!’ – crowd’…. or

‘I have a big fat ego and I think I am a god, guru and I will put myself up on my own pedestal – crowd’…. or

‘I will tell people what they ‘want’ to hear……. to make money out of people’ – crowd…

There are more…… many more…. and combinations of these…….

All of which is dysfunction….. unhealthy…….. and not remotely wise.

But it appeals to so many.

And whilst I have empathy for all of this…… and completely see the poor mental health within it all……. and see how unhealthy and dysfunctional it all is……. and how it is promoting society to be unhealthy….. and don’t want this for anyone…. because I want better for this for everyone….

I accept it is not my responsibility….. to deal with it all.

So, I am systematically un-liking all these pages – that promote anything unhealthy and dysfunctional.

Because quite frankly, I don’t want to see it, and see all the unwise rubbish and dysfunction they are enabling, condoning and increasing.

I will just do what I do, put out there what I can, balance my life as I do far more now…… and know that…

“Wisdom & Truth

are never as appealing

as Dysfunction & Lies”

….. and accept that is what people are choosing and that is their issues to deal with..

But, be secure in myself & my integrity, that I will not be someone who condones, enables and encourages dysfunction, and lies.