Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


For those who have no-one, who genuinely cares, or loves you…

A post to my page…. to validate and try to help those, who genuinely have no-one who loves them.

For those who have no-one in their life…

No-one who actually genuinely cares about the trauma, the pain, the grieving and the emotional consequences we endure…

Please know ……… I do know this.

I have gone through this, so I really do understand how painful it is.

I grew to understand, I had to learn that the only person who needed to validate me and care about my pain….. was ‘me’.

best friend

I have no-one in my life ~ who actually genuinely loves me, or cares about my past, or the pain it caused me.

My husband – doesn’t have empathy, or care. He is not interested in anything, unless it serves him. He only cares for himself and his own needs.

My family are abusers.

I have a counsellor – but she is simply that, my counsellor. She’s not my friend, or mother, or sister etc.

So ……. I became my own best friend and the person who does care about me.

It was part of my healing process, to understand and work on this.

To not do this ……… would mean I would feel that pain of no-one caring ~ indefinitely ….. and I don’t deserve that.

No-one deserves that.

And this process…. really strengthened me and helped my healing process.

Please know, you can heal this way too ~ it takes time & self compassion ~ but it can be done ❤

Much love, Lilly ❤


Update….. I am thankful sharing this on my page, helped people ❤

(you will need to be logged into FB, to see this post below)

Healthy, happy family time :)

Decided I want my family to make use of the amazing brand new local library 🙂

Stunning brand new building, very lovely….. tea & coffee free…

Evening story time for the younger kids was great, a nice little group of about 10 kids – all cuddling up with their teddies etc…. so cute!

Lots of books, magazines, CD’s, DVD’s, toys to choose from to lend. Boys picked out books, and I picked up gardening magazines 🙂

Kids loved it, husband cool with it, and I loved it….. great family time, doing something healthy and fun! 🙂


To be repeated……. weekly 🙂

I wanted a bunny when I was a child……. and now I have one :)

When I was a child, I wanted a bunny rabbit, and my sister wanted budgies. Budgies, it was.

I was disappointed, but very used to my sister being ‘liked’ more than I was, and it was no surprise that she had what she wanted. And I loved her like my own child.

Being the strong kind of kid I was…… that I had to be to survive my childhood…….. I called my budgie ‘Flopsy’. I wanted a rabbit.

Where we live now, rabbits are banned as pets…. plus my eldest son is allergic to pet hair.

So, today I spotted this cute rabbit, in the cheap shop. And bought it.

Now, I have my very own ‘Flopsy.’ 😀


And I love my bunny wabbit……  and so will my 5 year old. My 12 year old, will no doubt raise his eyebrows, and roll his eyes….. but secretly he will love Flopsy too 😉

Flopsy will live in the garden, with Freddy the Frog ~ who hides in different places everywhere ~ giving us all lots of fun trying to find him 😉


My 12 year enjoys hiding and finding Freddy too…… although of course – he exclaim…. ‘only for his little brother’.

And all the fairy’s and other garden creatures…… will love Flopsy – our newest garden friend.


1 Comment

*Note to self… the more healthy I become…… the more rejection/grief I will receive from unhealthy, dysfunctional people.


I am secure enough and healed enough to know that other people’s dysfunction / mental health, has nothing to do with me……. it is ‘their’ stuff.

I can see it, discern it ……… deal with it if I ‘need’ to ………. and walk away from what is not my responsibility, to deal with.

Society is full of increasing poor mental health, dysfunction and poor behaviours.

And most of those people…….. will refuse to look into that, and see the darkness.

They will hold on to their dysfunction, as tightly as they can. Often getting angry at those who dare suggest – their thinking and behaviours, are not healthy.

And whilst I have empathy for their issues…….. they are not about me, or mine to deal with.


Thank you Lisa Wilkinson! ’50 Shades of Domestic Violence’.


TODAY Show host Lisa Wilkinson has levelled a passionate broadside at the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon, calling it “domestic violence dressed up as erotica”.

Wilkinson was unequivocal in her scathing review of the film, which depicts a BDSM relationship between a wealthy man and a naive, 19-year-old woman.

Now my husband had a big smile on his face last night when he discovered I was heading off to see 50 Shades of Grey.

This was the book series, after all, that left women all over the world wanting more – if you know what I mean.

Sure, I was the only woman I know who hadn’t read the books, but hey, 100 million copies sold must make a good movie right? Wrong.

50 Shades of Grey is quite simply the worst movie I’ve ever seen.

With a script that makes Mills and Boon read like bleedin’ Dickens, and lines like “I don’t do romance”, Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey is a 30-something jerk of a billionaire who never seems to work – an emotionally crippled narcissist no-one could love.

Meanwhile, Dakota Johnson is the one-dimensional, lip-biting (could someboy get that girl a chapstick?) pathetic Anastasia Steele who for no discernable reason falls in love with the aforementioned jerk and single-handedly sells women across the world short.

Yes, 50 Shades of Grey is more appalling than appealing. It is domestic violence dressed up as erotica, and if there is one thing this movie is not, it is erotic.

One star out of five, and that’s only because of the excellent choc top I consoled myself with later.

And I know you’re wondering – as to (husband Pete FitzSimons), no, he didn’t get lucky last night, because after two hours of complete drivel, I need more than a choc-top to pop my corn.
Read more at http://www.9news.com.au/national/2015/02/12/08/23/50-shades-film-sparks-debate-on-today#8MUwpdGXQ73uKRR8.99


50 Shades of Charming Psychopath…… maybe I’m not as screwed up about sex, as I think…


As 50 Shades of Charming Psychopath (Grey) hits the movie screens……. all the comments and views about this, are awash on social media.

I am aware, I do not have the healthiest concepts of sex and intimacy.

But, I do know that ‘charming psychopaths’ (stalking, grooming, pain inflicting etc) …….. and BDSM….. are about darkness, very poor mental health and should not be promoted and encouraged.

Intimacy and love…….. are not about pain.

Sex is meant to be about intimacy, respect and love.

So sex should *not* be about pain – inflicting it, or receiving it.

And I see clearly how this book/movie, is playing into the rape culture that is increasingly an issue and also into abuse increasing. I see the ‘bigger picture’ on this that so many fail to see, or care about.

Having being abused as much as I have, sexually, as a child, adult……….. my body does respond physically, to being treated a little roughly, poorly and behaviours that are absolutely nothing to do with love. And emotionally and mentally, I don’t like this.

But, the good part is…….. at least I know this is not healthy, at all.

Whereas, all the people who claim these books and this movie and BDSM, are completely okay/good…….. don’t know this.

I could easily have ended up going down the BDSM path……. but I didn’t. Because I knew deep inside, this was not okay. And actually it scares me. I did have pain inflicted upon me, that I did not like, or enjoy.

I could easily have gone down the path of many more unhealthy behaviours, like threesomes etc….. and I didn’t. I thought about…. quite a lot……. because society normalises this, like on shows like Sex & The City, even Friends.

And whilst I say all this, this does not mean I think people who indulge in these books, and this movie, and enjoy BDSM are evil people at all. I actually feel sorry for them and wish they could be far more healthy and understand sex and intimacy is only meant to be about respectful love.

I posted on my page about how unhealthy 50 Shades of Grey is and why, and was quite shocked to see the amount of comments supporting this movie and BDSM ~ considering my page is about abuse. It was shocking to see how many didn’t give a crap how their comments may hurt and trigger others. Totally selfish attitude – and completely shows how unhealthy they are. Of course – they won’t see that and are very defensive about it, further selfish attitudes and poor mental health. In the end – after so many unhealthy comments – I just deleted the whole post. I couldn’t have any more people, upsetting others who have been abused. – by these ‘charming psychopaths’.

So ……. I can see that I am actually healthier about all this, in what I understand emotionally, mentally, psychologically……. than many people.

And sadly, I can see very clearly just how unhealthy society is.

Update, sadism and masochism, are classed as mental disorders…