Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Indeed …… don’t dare write, or post near the grammar police!!

For the grammar police, it won’t matter how much heart and soul, pain and honesty was required in what you wrote…

None of that will matter – if you make a grammar error !

Because that grammar error – is ALL they will care about…

And they will need, feel a compulsion to have to point it out….

*rolls eyes…



Laugh of the day……. Toy Police Cars…… ! :)

Humour……….. keeps me going……. and that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it! 😉

This made me giggle… 🙂

And I am married to a cop….

There’s nothing more comforting, than knowing police officers are needing to deal with serious criminals, tackling the worst behaviours and crime in society…..

And seeing them rock up ….

In a toy car! …….. LOL!!!!




These pics that followed made me giggle even more…………..

police car

police car 2

There are different types of people & to ignore this….. particularly in churches …..is not spiritual wisdom, at all.


I don’t like to call people evil….. but the behaviours and choices some people make, are absolutely evil. And some people do give in to evil. There are mental health issues present in this, and that is where evil can always find it’s greatest places to exist and do it’s worst.

They are ‘choices’ that people make……. as rarely are these people delusional/psychotic ……. but no-one in their ‘right mind’….. would commit evil acts and not care, have no remorse, and no conscience.

And no-one in their ‘right mind’……. would believe the evil they are committing, is good.

It is very wrong, to avoid and ignore this.

Apathy, is also evil in itself.

So is cheap grace.

Evil, abuse, harm…….. should never be ignored, condoned, justified, enabled.

It is only the weak and selfish……. who choose to ignore and avoid, and fail to deal …… with evil.

But, the dysfunction and apathy of so many…….. is popular in society & in churches …… just as evil wants.

And this is present within churches …….. just as much as it is in secular society. And to not realise this, is such immaturity and lack of wisdom.

Fundamentalist, right wing, hard line, ‘black and white’, non empathy, controlling churches – are full of such people. Evil resides in many of these churches, very easily. And wolves in sheep’s clothing – are increasing and are in abundance.

I know, I was abused by one of these churches and the evil was present, from the top of the hierarchy…..down.  And I am glad to have had that clarified, as correct.  And it bothers me that these people portray God, in such a wrong way, like He is a narcissistic psychopath………. and that could not be further from the truth.

And whilst I feel sad for these people and I no longer feel hurt for myself anymore – because I now 100% know – it is all ‘their issues’ …….. I also know – it is their ‘choice’ to give in to this. Their choice to have abusive ministers, their choice to not learn the Bible correctly, their choice to cause harm. And worst – their choice to portray God in completely the wrong way…….. because they don’t know Him. They don’t know Jesus. They know a fake/false Jesus – they have carved for their own earthly needs and desires.

But, I also realise, there are so many poor mental health issues there too.

And all I can do, is pray, and leave it with Jesus….. as I have. But, He values free will…….. and these people, will only change, grow, mature and become followers of Jesus – when they have the willingness to.

God won’t force them.

My gardens and garden friends ~ being such joy to my children :)

I knew my 5 year old, would love the bunny – Flopsy and he has such fun playing with them. He chats away to them, using his imagination and playing so beautifully ❤



This is how I found Flopsy the rabbit, and one of the fairy’s this morning …… talking to each other…… so cute!



Mr wise ol’ Owl ….. and the pretty budgies ……… chillin’ in the fern basket 🙂


People who are dead inside…

dead inside

Sadly, due to my own emotional self harming issues, caused by so much child abuse….. these are the types of people I have veered towards…. because ‘subconsciously’ – I would get hurt more & I was trained from birth to accept abuse, and accept I deserved nothing better.

Now I am ‘consciously’ aware of this ….. and have knowledge and insight into humanity…. I can discern these people, and avoid them…. because I do not deserve to be hurt, anymore.

Although, I am still dealing with this, within my own marriage. And knowing I am not loved, and I am used…. for someone else’s needs, and nothing more…… is very difficult. Something, I am still struggling with.

Which is one reason I need plenty of space, boundaries and alone time.

So I do not have to deal with those vibes too often. It is my own self care, to limit the time I spend with someone who is, dead inside.

Waves of grief.

Even though I am very content in my own company now and I really do crave it, cherish it, and need it …… I do still have times of grieving.

And it is so painful.

And I know I always will grieve, because I have endured so much trauma, grieve so many relationships that are dead to me now, and I am very aware I have no-one in my life (human terms), that loves me.

I also realise, how strong I am. Because I am doing okay, I am healing, growing and transforming continually…… without anyone in my life who loves me, to help me.

I don’t have a partner who genuinely loves me……. as he only loves himself.

I don’t have a mother, father, siblings, or any relatives, who love me.

It’s not easy, to know I do deserve to have people who love me…….. but I have no-one.

I do have my children, but that is different. My children are not here to fulfil the adult roles that are missing in my life.

I know people do have the love of someone who cares, and they still struggle.

So, being completely alone, is harder and I realise I am doing really well.

I don’t feel lonely anymore, but I do realise how much is missing from my life and I know it’s okay and needed to keep grieving that.

I would do anything for a mother, father, sister, brother, grandparents….. for a partner who loves me…. anyone I guess.

Just someone who loves me, for me. Not what they can get from me.

But, I don’t.

And it is very sad.

Very painfully, heartbreakingly, sad.